Shannon Carr commissioned a black granite headstone to mark the grave of her husband Jason Carr and show his love of sports and the outdoors. The $9,000 headstone is shaped like a couch and features images of a deer, a dog and color logos of NASCAR and the Indianapolis Colts.
Now Carr is suing the St. Joseph Catholic Church for refusing to install it.
The Rev, Jonathan Meyer, a priest at the church, said the headstone didn't meet the cemetery's standards because of its secular nature and couldn't be placed in the church's century-old graveyard.
"We provided the family funeral rites, prepared a funeral meal and offered family members individual counseling after the services," Meyer said. "We were with them the entire way until this matter came up."
Carr claims in her lawsuit that the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Indianapolis Properties Inc., which owns the cemetery, never produced any regulations for the plot until a year after she tried to have the headstone installed in 2010.
The issue has divided the church community.
"They told her not to move forward with the purchasing of the monument, but she went ahead anyway," Meyer said. "We have consistently communicated the same message prior to the purchase and after the purchase. We did not think a granite couch was an appropriate monument in our historic cemetery."
Now maybe if Carr had been an Angels fan...
Being that this is an historic cemetery, I have to side with the church on this one.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for the woman's loss. But I think she needs to drop the frivolous lawsuit, choose a more appropriate headstone for her husband's grave and install the brightly colored marble sofa in her own backyard or garden as a place to sit and reflect on the memory of her beloved husband.
TEN Commandments - Thou shall have no other Gods before me.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the Church
so the people that put a flower on their stone are worhipping flowers? Or do they just like them. All catholic cemeteries would do the same thing though, its not becuase its an old cemetery.
ReplyDeleteFlowers are not derivitives of a secular culture, flowers reflect the glory of God. I side with the church on this one, even though I disagree with much catholic dogma.
Deleteas a memorialist, I know that people put flowers on their stone because they like a particular flower, not because it represents God. They also put birds, deers, coffee cups, bingo cards, pianos guitars, violins, and yes, sports items, such as ball bats, gloves, bows and arrows, guns, etc.... they do not worship these things, please. The items allowed, flowers, etc, are not worshipped either, nor do the clients usually intend a religious reference with flowers.
DeleteThis is lame. These pastors should ask if Jesus would have made a stink over a headstone with a Colts logo on it, and other logos that celebrate the life of the man actually buried underneath it. Historic cemetery my butt. When someone's walking through and looking at headstones, they might actually know something about the deceased rather than a generic cross that looks just like the crosses all down the row. Her suit should involve his being exhumed and buried in a cemetery that wants to honor the dead, not be some Martha Stewart-esque ode to what cemeteries are 'supposed' to look like.
ReplyDeleteIn a cemetery, the cross is the only thing important to know about the deceased. Nothing else matters except his relationship with Jesus and what Jesus did on the cross for all of us.
DeleteThe only only reason I would side with the church is because it might lead to gawdy advertisements with larger logos, or hell, LED lights or something.
ReplyDeletebut it is a cemetery and the people that have to live there can't/won't or don't complain.
And since they didn't have something in writing saying she CANT do it, they need to Suck it up and get over it.
I agree with the anonymous that's pro-having the headstone. It's not overly gaudy or even disrespectful to the church in any way. I could understand if it was a 7 ft bronze statue of Johnny Unitas waving at the crowd sitting in the back of a convertable that's the make of his favorite stock car with racing #'s. Or anything satanic/offensive to the church. The man is Dead.. not sure if the wife was told by her late husband before he passed away if that's what he wanted, but if not, she new for enough certainty that he would want this. Rejecting this dehumanizes him. Saying he's only allowed to be another plot space with a generic marker. I happen to love the idea. If you didn't know him & were visiting the cemetery, when you came across his headstone. It wouldn't be "Carr, 19** - 20**" you could see who he was in life somewhat, I get he enjoyed hunting deer/other game, is also an animal lover though, he loves his dog "mans best friend" also he likes watching Racing & the Colts play football. Now get this, a lot of men, including myself, like to enjoy alcoholic beverages on the weekends watching sports, I know at least 40 NASCAR fans & I'd say 35 of them drink beer while watching the race. Not saying this man drank, but if he did im sure he had a favorite beer to watch sports on his couch with, but did his wife commission the headstone maker to include a cupholder in the couch with his favorite brew in it? No, she didn't. If she even thought about it, she sit back & thought "this could offend the church" let this family remember their loved one the way that they want. If it helps any of them get through something as terrible as losing a loved one. Then by all means let them, who is it hurting? I hope they win their suit, or the cemetery needs to 1. Refund the $ for the plot/burial or 2. Pay all expenses to move this man's body to a place where he can truly rest in peace. To the widow I hope this mess gets straightened out for you. Also kudos for the creativity, in my mind you've created a new form of art & done great with it. Maybe a career designing these for other families is in your future. Sorry for your loss & best of luck to you on getting your husbands gravestone put up where it NEEDS to be
ReplyDeleteThe problem is this can go both ways. Sure this particular headstone is not "gawdy" but the next one might. And who has the final authority on "gawdy"? which can change over time. What one may see as gawdy today may not be tomorrow. the solution is simple. have cemeteries have a basic policy with headstones for everyone. What an individual may do on their own private owned land is their freedom to do as they wish.
ReplyDeleteThe church's policy is not limited about being gawdy, it's limitation is about being secular. The organizations mentioned are secular. The church's cemetery is for those who've gone to be with God and to give Him reverence, not to the Colts reverence.
DeleteAlternately, those logos are trademarked and there is a possibility that those organizations could have conflicting opinions about their usage in a cemetery as well.
P.S I just looked at a close up & am not 100% sure, but pretty sure it said "Dec 1976 - Aug 2009" Meaning Mr. Carr was only 32 years old when he passed away, which 99% of deaths that young are unexpected, tragic & very difficult for the family. His parents are probably still around, mourning the loss of a child. Something NO parent should ever have to go through. Parents aren't supposed to bury their children. PLEASE let this family remember him how they want to, after the loss they shouldn't have to face more adversity and red tape from a place that's supposed to be there for support. It's sad, i'm sure there's a 1,000 other instances where something so important to a family or a particular individual is stopped because of what a decent analogy for is you selling 3ft x 3ft bits of your land to several different people, but on your land people are gardening. The 1st 100 or so just planted little plots of tiny flowers, then, someone, who paid for their spot like everyone else, wants to plant veggies to feed his family, including sunflowers that stand out a little, something that means the world to him.. but to the original landowner, he doesn't even notice the veggie garden until he gets within 10 ft of it, but is just trying to make sure the man grows flowers like everyone else. In simple terms.. not that important to the original landowner. It's wrong. 100% wrong
ReplyDeleteGreat point Brian. Somethings that may be borderline gaudy, or slightly offensive, who would decide.. and as a society we love to push the envelope. If this cemetery didn't have a policy unallowing such things before they declined Mr. Carr's headstone. They need to 1. Let his family put up his headstone, or 2. Refund burial expenses, price paid for the plot, and exhumation cost should all be refunded. So he can be moved somewhere the headstone is welcome
ReplyDelete"who would decide?"
DeleteThe church decides since it's their cemetery. Who decides what's acceptable on YOUR property?
when you purchase a cemetery lot, you get a deed for the land. SO, family actually OWNS the property. I sell cemetery monuments for a living, and we have to have a clause in our contracts that gives us permission to enter upon the customer's cemetery lot to do our work, because THEY own the land.
Delete*2. Refund the amount for the burial expenses & Plot purchace, also pay to have him exhumed & moved. To me another analogy would be if I signed a 1 year lease on an apartment. $600 deposit & another $7200 promised to them in rent, yet they never once mentioned a pet policy or was it on any paperwork. Until they seen my Dog, a 60-lb pit bull. Then after moving in/unpacking, I'm told he has to go, there's now a "new pet policy" but i'm stuck paying them almost 8k. I wouldn't be happy, but i would be content as long as I was let out of my lease & refunded my deposit so me & my best friend can go somewhere we were wanted
ReplyDelete"They told her not to move forward with the purchasing of the monument, but she went ahead anyway..."
ReplyDeleteWell there's your problem right there. The lady knew she was going against the rules, she needs to be responsible for her own actions.
If she had given the crooked catholic church a bunch of money there wouldn't be a problem with it! They should worry more about there priests abusing little boys them what goes on a persons headstone!
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ReplyDelete