UK soccer stadium proposes installing adult slides at gates for quicker exits

Geniuses in England have come up with a plan to introduce slides at Newcastle's soccer stadium to help spectators speed up their exit from football matches.

Plans have been made up to install public slides for grown-ups at Newcastle's St. James Park which can be used on game days.

Fans will be able to ride down the slides from the stadium to St. James' train station and parking lot, instead of walking down the stairs.

If permission is granted, these "travel accelerators" will be ready for the rowdy Toon Army by late this year.

The slides are the brainchild of business improvement district company NE 1 Ltd. as party of their "Pocket Parks" program.  The idea is designed to help boost part of Newcastle's neglected city center and "boost some fun" into the area.

"We want people to ride the slide, then go up the stairs and do it again," said Tom Robinson, one of the designers of the "urban playground."

NE 1 and the police have worked with the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents with regards to safety concerns.  Not an easy task considering the long-suffering Newcastle fan base.

Does that mean having a sort of playground monitor (Guv'nor) make sure fans don't empty their stout down the chute or (more likely) mistake it for a 10-meter urinal trough.

And what if a half-naked and fully-pissed lad gets his ample arse stuck mid-slide?  That could set off a lot of hooligan fun.

Just one word of advice for our soccer crazy friends — escalators. Or lifts or whatever you call them across the pond.

Let us know how well it goes.  Then we can try it at a Jets game.