Man U's Ashley Young gets mouthful of bird poop during match (VIDEO)

Soccer fans around the world were left gagging in disgust after footage of a white foreign substance landing in the mouth of Manchester United midfielder Ashley Young went viral.

Film evidence points at a bird being the likely culprit, although the mystery substance also resembled spit, meaning Young may have caught a stray loogie as the Red Devils fell, 2-1, to Swansea in Week One of the Premier League.

And that would have to be some magic loogie.

Good luck probably never tasted so bad.

Steven Gerrard's unfortunate slip against Chelsea gets the Twitter treatment (PHOTOS)

Steven Gerrard, the king of Liverpool soccer and one of the greatest players ever to grace the Premier League is getting an un-royal treatment on Twitter after an unfortunate slip on the pitch led to an easy Chelsea goal Sunday.

Pranksters have been quick to mock the farcical play which was like a gift opening goal for Chelsea's Demba Ba at Anfield.

In a unending series of memes, tweets and photoshopping, the mishap — during first-half injury time during Liverpool's 2-0 loss — made the 33-year-old star the butt of the jokes afterwards.

It didn't help that the England captain's impassioned speech two weeks ago — after his side beat rival Man City — included the now immortal line "We don't let this slip."

Premier League coach facing sanctions after headbutting opposing player (VIDEO)

Newcastle United led 3-1 with 20 minutes to go against Hull City on Saturday when Newcastle coach Alan Pardew used his head or, more precisely, lost it in a moment of frustration.

Pardew could be looking at a heavy fine and lengthy ban for inexplicably headbutting Hull's David Meyler on the sidelines— particularly after a having a long record of such transgressions during his career.

Referee Kevin Friend sent Pardew off and the Magpies manager watched from the stands as his side won 4-1, but he will certainly see further sanctions for his terrible reaction to being slightly pushed by Meyler as the ball went out of play in front of the Newcastle bench.

Following the game Pardew came out and spoke to the media and explained what happened from his point of view and also shared his regret:

“It was a heat of the moment thing. I massively regret it and I will have to sit down from now on. Of course, I didn’t mean to do anything aggressive. I did move my head forward and that’s enough. Perhaps I need to sit down from now on. It’s a shame beacons it’s taken the gloss off a terrific performance. Of course I apologize. I represent a big club.”

That's using your head.

Luis Suarez to help adidas unveil world's first knitted soccer shoes (PHOTO)

Premier League superstar Luis Suarez is hoping that a new style of adidas shoes will put an end to his mini scoring slump.

Suarez will team up with the athletic apparel giant to unveil their new Samba primeknit limited edition soccer shoes that "combines the comfort and responsiveness of playing barefoot with the protection of a traditional design." Suarez will have the honor of testing them out in a game situation.

The innovative design of the boot has an upper part that is knitted from heel-to-toe using the Samba colors of green, pink, blue and orange, providing a lighter second-skin fit that retains the strength of a conventional shoe. 

Just like the booties grandma used to purl.

The Liverpool striker, who is the Premier League's top scorer with 23 goals, will be the only player to wear them when they officially launch next month.

And he will debut them in one of the biggest games of the season when Liverpool takes on Manchester United at Old Trafford on March 16.

The 27-year-old Suarez has not scored since January 28, when he notched a goal in the 4-0 win over Everton — and the goalless run now stretches to five games.

Only 150 pairs of the $360 shoes have been made and are certain to be snapped up immediately when they go on sale 24 hours later, on March 17.

Man U star Chris Smalling criticized for dressing up as 'Jagerbomber'

A Premier League soccer star has apologized for his "ill-thought out and insensitive" decision to host a fancy dress party wearing a suicide bomber costume and making light of terrorism.

Manchester United defender Chris Smalling sought to make a "comedy play" on the popular Jagerbomb concoction by strapping bottles of Jagermeister and Red Bull to his body when he held a party at his home, according to his management.

Smalling was pictured in The Sun wearing an army-style vest with the alcohol bottles, a mock circuit board and cables attached.

He also appears to be wearing an Arab kaffiyeh headdress.

Wasserman Media Group said in a statement: "Chris and his girlfriend hosted a fancy dress party to celebrate Christmas and their belated birthdays with close friends in the assumed privacy of his own home.

"He dressed in a costume consisting of empty bottles of Jagermeister and cans of Red Bull strapped to his chest in an attempted comedy play on the popular 'Jagerbomb' drink.

"Although he fully accepts in hindsight it was an ill-thought out and insensitive decision, absolutely no harm was intended whatsoever and he apologizes for any offense caused."

Smalling signed for Manchester United from Fulham in January 2010. He has made 20 appearances under new coach David Moyes this season.

He made his senior England debut in the Euro 2012 qualifier against Bulgaria in September 2011 and has gone on to make eight more appearances for the national team.

Tottenham mascot girl gives five-finger salute to Luis Suarez during pre-game handshake (GIF)

Watch one of the Tottenham mascot girls thumb her nose at Luis Suarez during the pre-game handshake before her Spurs played Liverpool.

Suarez doesn't pay attention to the five-finger salute, but the little imp sure seems happy with her hilarious diss.

Suarez had the last laugh though after scoring two goals in a 5-0 rout of Tottenham.

The not-so-popular forward already has 17 goals in a season that only began in late September after he completed a 10-game ban for biting an opponent last summer.

The girl might want to count her fingers.

Southampton goalkeeper gives up easy goal on boneheaded play (VIDEO)

Southampton goalkeeper Artur Boruc's ill-advised attempt to dribble past Arsenal's Olivier Giroud went horribly wrong Saturday and left Boruc looking more like Borat.

During the 22nd minute, Boruc received a harmless back-pass with Giroud yards away, but seemed to lose his mind while dawdling on the ball. As the Frenchman approached, Boruc dribbled the ball to his left, successfully evading the striker.

But rather than kick the ball away, Boruc turned back the other way, then back AGAIN - whereupon Giroud decided he'd had enough. He snatched the ball the fallen keeper and scored an easy goal in the open net, putting the Gunners 1-0 up and on course for what would end up as a 2-0 win.

Maybe Borac should plead temporary insanity to his baffled teammates.

Goalkeeper Asmir Begovic scores incredible 100-yard goal 13 seconds into match (GIF)

Stoke City goalkeeper Asmir Begovic netted one of the most remarkable and ridiculous goals of the season against Southampton – scoring a wind-assisted 104-yard opener after just 13 seconds.

Just moments after kick-off at a blustery Britannia Stadium, Begovic kicked away a pass-back from deep inside his own area, which deceived everyone because of the conditions.

As the ball sailed much further than expected and bounced on the edge of the Saints penalty area, having been left by the away side’s center-backs, it also cleared the desperate reach of Begovic’s goalkeeping counterpart Artur Boruc to bounce into the net.

Besides becoming only the fifth goalkeeper to score in Premier League history, it is the fourth fastest too.

Woman goes off on England soccer star Ashley Cole for not leaving tip (VIDEO)

Amazing video footage has emerged of an England soccer star receiving a barrage of foul-mouthed abuse by an angry woman outside a Missouri bar.

Ashley Cole was in St Louis for Chelsea’s post-season double header against Manchester City in May. On a night out with friends, Cole somehow touched a nerve with one woman, who proceeded to scream and shout profanities at the Premier League defender. 

The 32-year-old Cole — who reportedly makes $320,000 per week playing in the league — was believed to have been in the Hair of the Dog bar, and a dispute reportedly arose over the amount of money left as a tip, according to TMZ.

For over two minutes, the woman, believed to be the bartender, launches an unending stream of abuse towards Cole and his friends, and even says she hopes Cole would be robbed, beaten and raped on his way home from the night-spot. 

"I hope this stupid a** gets robbed, gets beat, gets raped right here on the motherf****** sidewalk," she shouted at the former Arsenal player. "I need that a****** to get beaten up by someone. You need to realise that you’re not the s***, dude."

The Chelsea star kept relatively calm as the woman continued her vile rant, and at one point asked the woman, "Why are you getting so angry with me? No-one knows."

At the beginning of the row, the American repeatedly yelled at Cole that he "rolled up in here [the bar] thinking “I’m the s***."

After Cole and his crew left she continues to berate Cole "They [Cole and his friends] think they’re f****** cool and they have money, they don’t even know how to tip."

Kuyt shows off nasty shiner after collision with teammate De Guzman

From the looks of this photo you would think Dirk Kuyt got the worst of accidental head-butt (video at bottom) from Dutch teammate Jonathan DeGuzman but, you'd be wrong in a You should see the other guy sense.

Kuyt, the former Liverpool winger, took to his Twitter page to show off the result of the incident, which left him with an extremely nasty black eye and stitches. 

The pair collided in Holland's training session while on international play this week, leaving De Guzman in need of hospital treatment, and out of their Premier League opener against Manchester United.

De Guzman certainly came off worse in his clash of heads with Kuyt, after he was carted off the pitch in need of hospital treatment, and out of their Premier League opener against Manchester United.

Before paramedics got to De Guzman,  United striker and international team-mate Robin van Persie rushed to his floored teammate's  aid. 

With his head bandaged, a groggy De Guzman was lifted onto a stretcher before being wheeled into an ambulance. 

He was taken to hospital for tests and the initial diagnosis is a mild concussion, which usually means a two-week lay-off. De Guzman had been named among the starters for Holland.