Thursday, December 23, 2010

Rex Ryan Gives 'Foot' Ball Press Conference New Meaning

The New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan went to great lengths to avoid discussing the foot-fetish videos circulating on the Internet showing his look-alike wife, Michelle, being interviewed by a sound-alike Ryan at yesterdays mid-week press conference.  If true, they could the latest in a long line of embarrassing episodes for the team this season.

The suspiciously low-keyed Ryan didn't deny they videos were of him and his wife, but stressed that the toe jamborees were a "private matter" six times during yesterday's press conference.  It's seemed like the first time the head coach, uncharacteristically, didn't put his foot in his mouth and he quickly preceded to discuss more important issues like the upcoming game against the Chicago Bears than the sexily-titled short clips "Awesome Soles" and "Hot Mature Sexy Feet.  Only the 'toes knows.'

Ryan then got callous and seriously put his foot down.  He got down about playing with the piggie-skin.  Ryan, son of former coach Buddy Ryan, comes from a good pedi-gree bared his sole in discussing upcoming game's playoff implications.

The big toe of the Jets mentioned that a playoff berth is afoot if they put their best foot down.  The single digit win last week against Pittsburgh showed fans that the Jets don't get cold feet when they play on the road and if they toe the line they can de-feet the Bears.

Ryan went on to say the team is now gellin' after stubbing it's toes with a couple of losses before last week and he reported some new player injuries.

The sole of the team, quarterback Mark Sanchez's shoulder injury is heeling.  The nimble-footed QB played in a limited practice on Wednesday and looked fine.  He shouldn't have happy feet on Sunday when the Bears excellent defensive end Julius Peppers goes toe-to-toe with the Jets offensive line.  He also said his team won't look flat-footed by the blistering speed of fleet-footed Devin Hester.

Ryan was more interested in his athlete's foot than the videos.  In a bit of awkward timing, Ryan said he was tickled that Santonio Holmes' turf toe is getting better.  The well-heeled Jets owner Woody Johnson, arch-supported his coach.  He will likely send over a get-well basket of Johnson & Johnson pedi-care products and foot the bill.

By duh-feeting duh Bears in Chicago, the home of sole music, the Jets avoid the agony of de-feet and could end up having a playoff meeting with their arch-enemy the New England Patriots and Tom Brady--husband of model Giselle Bunion.

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