Ron Artest Bringing Comedy Act To New York City

Ron Artest is preparing to take us into his wacky world of weirdness and whimsy by bringing "Ron Artest - The Ultimate Comedy Tour" to New York City this summer.  The Los Angeles Lakers small-forward will host four comedy shows at Caroline's on Broadway on July 15 and 16.

Right after getting swept by the Dallas Mavericks, it seems only natural for Artest, the Queens, NY native and the NBA's reigning class clown, to come home and try his hand at making people laugh with him and not at him.

After all,  his embarrassing play in the second-round playoff was pretty comical.  Taking a cue from that other L.A. funny man Charlie Sheen, the well-traveled basketball star might now want to call his show "Losing."

The 31 year-old Artest could even take the show on the road.  Lord knows he's already made controversial stops with the Bulls, Pacers, Kings and Rockets.  What's another Laugh Factory in Toronto? Detroit would be a blast.  Just imagine the heckling when he reminds Piston fans about the 'Brawl in the Palace.'

The out-spoken former-St. John's star is no stranger to the spotlight or making us laugh--mostly unintentionally.  Here's a sampling of his off-the-backboard humor.

When he joined the Lakers, Artest took '37' for his jersey number as a tribute to Michael Jackson whose "Thriller" album was "#1 on 'Billboard' for 37 weeks."  Cerebral stuff.   Reminds me of Steven Wright.

Then there was the one about thanking his shrink on national TV, right after the Lakers won the NBA Championship last year.  Richard Lewis anyone?

If Artest doesn't tickle your funny bone, he may break it.  Just ask the Mavericks little J.J. Barea how a Ron Artest punchline--I mean clothesline--feels.

With his Queensbridge Projects upbringing, Artest's comedy-stylings might be a little bit more rough around the edges than edgy.  It's an acquired taste.  Like Carrot Top on steroids.

The small forward's comedy goddesses will include local morning radio DJ's and pals according to the New York Daily News.  No porn stars or hookers in this extravaganza--just a laff-riot.   Hey, here's one.  What do the Lakers and a Japanese steak house have in common?  They both have aged Kobe.  Pure gold, Jerry, pure gold.

We can only hope that Artest starts rapping during the show.  Now, that would be really hilarious.

Where's Shaq when you need him?  No, Really.  Where is he?

NFL Players Asking For Lower Alimony Payments; NBA Watching Closely

While NFL players lose paychecks, and the lockout continues to be stuck at a stand-still, the repercussions of a trickle-down effect could reach the littlest and most innocent of victims--player's children.  Out of work NFL players have now reached out to lawyers in hope of having their alimony and child-support payments modified to lower amounts.  The NBA, with their contract expiring in two months, must be watching this scenario closely.

According a report in the Bloomberg Business Report, a number of unidentified NFL players are preparing for the worst and looking into modifications of financial support if the dead lock between the NFLPA and team owners shuts down the 2011 season, leaving many players with no income.

The report said if the NFL players are unable to reach a collective bargaining agreement with their union, many more players will be looking for modifications in their support requirements.

The poster-child for child support, New York Jets defensive back Antonio Cromartie, already has his 2 year-old son's mother a little nervous and she is probably not alone.  Cromartie is reported to have sired nine children with eight different women.

Tina Julien, a 33 year-old nurse from California, said she is worried about being able to afford child-care for Cromartie's son if the NFLPA and team owners don't shake hands.

For Pacquiao, a KO of Mosley is the Next Best Thing to Beating Mayweather and Quieting Hopkins

There have been huge paydays and much adulation on Manny Pacquiao's resume but the only thing that has eluded the holder of a record eight weight-class boxing titles is that fight with Floyd Mayweather, Jr..

If Mayweather continues avoiding getting into the ring with Pacquiao (52-3-2, 38 KO's), the next best thing for Pac-Man would be knocking out "Sugar" Shane Mosley (46-6-1, 39 KO's)--a fighter who almost knocked Mayweather out and went the distance with the Pacquiao-ducking fighter.

Like they say;  if you can't meet 'em, knock out some one they couldn't.

Pacquiao, who defends his WBO welterweight title against Mosley on Saturday night at the MGM Grand, could kill two birds with one punch this Saturday night.  A knockout would send a big message to Mayweather...and Bernard Hopkins, as a foot note.

First, Pac-Man can dispose of a common opponent, Mosley, who had the undefeated Mayweather beaten in the second round of their May 1, 2010 bout and, even though Mosley faded and was thoroughly dominated after that round, hung on for the final bell and lost in a 12-round unanimous decision.

Nothing would be a better measuring stick--maybe the only gauge for Pacquiao against Mayweather--than to brag that he did what Mayweather couldn't--put away the same fighter who almost knocked "Money" out.

Secondly, Pacquiao can lay to rest Hopkins' absurd rantings that the Filipino had never beaten a "black boxer from the streets," even if it might be considered that the 39 year-old Mosley was past his prime.

The only black fighter Pacquiao has defeated was Joshua Clottey last March, but in November, Hopkins railed that the Ghanaian didn't count because he wasn't "from the states with a slick style."

Still, there will be detractors, even if the Philippines senator KO's Mosley.  Besides being seven years closer to collecting social security than Pacquiao, Mosley is an 8/1 underdog and, unbelievably, hasn't won a fight in over two years.  Even Norm MacDonald has publicly put 25-grand on Pac-Man.

The only thing that makes this fight relevant is Pacquiao.  The song-recording, fragrance-making brand-name is like Beyonce and Old Spice rolled together in the world of boxing.  Even so, the champ better not take Mosley too lightly.

Could Phil Hughes' "Dead Arm" Be Rick Ankiel Syndrome?

The "slight positive" news for the New York Yankees is that pitcher Phil Hughes' test results for thoracic outlet syndrome came back negative after being examined in St. Louis by Dr. Robert William Thompson on Monday.  The bad news is that doctors still say the righthander's arm problems are a mystery to them.

Doctors have now ruled out TOS, which causes circulatory problems.  This leaves everybody wondering just what is wrong with the 24 year-old pitcher and his "dead arm?"

If it's not a physical problem causing Hughes to lose the velocity on his fastball, it might be psychological and that draws comparisons to another young hot-shot pitcher who suddenly lost his mojo--Rick Ankiel.

Ankiel was the St. Louis Cardinals 20 year-old lefthander with a blazing 97 mph fastball who, after a wonderful rookie season in 2000, turned into the real life Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn from "Major League."

Chris Simms Hands-Off Pot Bust Blame to Backseat Pal

Tennessee Titans quarterback Chris Simms is passing his smoking-and-driving pot bust to a friend who was in the back seat of the car when it was pulled over last summer.  Simms, the son of popular former-New York Giants quarterback Phil Simms, smelled like marijuana and refused to take a blood test, according to the arresting officers.

Yesterday, Simms' lawyer said that the 30 year-old QB--who was driving a Mercedes SUV back from a party in a with his wife Danielle, friend Charlie Granitell and another man in the back seat--noticed Granitell starting to toke up.

"Get rid of that stuff!" Simm's lawyer told the jurors Simms screamed at Granitell right before they were pulled over at a Manhattan DWI checkpoint on July 1.

Police Officer Francisco Acosta said Simms was pulled over for speeding and driving erratically and testified that Simms admitted he had smoked marijuana.

Acosta said, " He [Simms] was out of it, like a zombie.  He was very, very unsteady on his feet."

The QB's defense attorney, Harvey Steinberg, said the officer got it wrong and that Simms said his friend, Granitell,  had been smoking the weed.

Granitell will take the stand today in Simms defense of the misdemeanor stoned-driving charge and admit he was the guilty party according to Steinberg.

Simms' wife, who was eight months pregnant at the time of the arrest, will also testify.

Acosta told jurors, "She [Danielle] was telling him, 'Don't say a word!  Don't tell them anything!  Don't take any tests!'" during the arrest.

Simms is facing one misdemeanor count of operating a vehicle while under the influence of drugs.  He claims he was not stoned and would not jeopardize his wife and unborn baby by driving while impaired.

Simms faces a year in jail and a fine if convicted.  He is not expected to testify.

If he can pass the blame to his friend, it might be the biggest completion of his career.

Henry Cooper, 76, Dead; Scariest Boxing Photo Ever

Former heavyweight fighter Henry Cooper, one of the most popular personalities in the history of British sports died yesterday at the age of 76.  He was the first boxer to be knighted and was famous for almost knocking out a young Muhammad Ali when he was still known as the up-and-coming Cassius Clay in 1963.

Three years later, Cooper would be beaten to a bloodied pulp after he was stopped by Ali in a title fight in London.  A photo of the blood spattered Cooper after that fight made him the poster-boy for old-time boxing and a good reason to never enter the ring.

Cooper, who was left handed but stood in a right-handed stance, had a devastating left hook which British fans called "Enry's 'Ammer."  It was this same punch which knocked Clay into the ropes during the final seconds of the fourth round of their first meeting.  Clay saved himself by hooking his arm around the ropes, preventing him from slamming his head onto the canvas.

There was some controversy on whether or not trainer Angelo Dundee used smelling salts to revive the staggering Clay between the fourth and fifth rounds.  Clay went on to win in a 5th-round TKO while trailing on all scorecards.

In their 1966 title fight, Cooper was battered by the now World Champion Ali at  London's Highbury Stadium.   Ali stopped the bloodied Cooper in the 6th-round.

Ali once said Cooper's knockdown shot "hit him so hard that his ancestors in Africa felt it."

Cooper was a popular figure in Great Britain.  He won the British, Commonwealth and European titles, but never the world crown.

His sixteen year boxing career ended with a controversial loss to fellow Brit Joe Bugner by a quarter of a point in 1971.  It was claimed that Bugner's victory over the popular Cooper led British fans to never get behind the new champ.  That's how beloved Cooper, the small heavyweight, was in his homeland.

Cooper finished his career with a pro record was 40 wins with 14 losses and one draw.  He had 27 KO's.

In his later years, Cooper became disillusioned with boxing and what it had become.  Queen Elizabeth II knighted the gentlemanly fighter in 2000.

"I am at a loss for words over the death of my friend, Henry Cooper,"  Ali said yesterday.

Jets 7th-Round Draft Pick & Sanchez BFF Has "Saw" Screenwriting Credit in Future

The New York Jets, who were already drowned in criticism about drafting a couple of players with violent backgrounds, added a third draftee with a scandalous past. 

According to the New York Post, the team's 7th-round pick and Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez' longtime friend, Scotty McKnight, was suspended for the final eight games of his senior high school football season because he penned threatening and vicious words directed at his High School English teacher.

In a 2005 school assignment McKnight handed in to his teacher, the then-17 year-old wrote " I am planning coming in your room late one night while you are still working," he wrote.  "I will smother you in gasoline and light your head on fire..."

In another entry, according to court records,  McKnight sounded like Freddy Krueger by indicating he would glue the teacher naked to a wall, chop off her feet and kill her family while she watched.

The foot reference must have bothered Jets head coach Rex Ryan just a little.

McKnight, who later played college ball and broke receiving records at Colorado, said he and his high school teammate Sam Smith wrote the gruesome journal as a challenge to see who could write the most bizarre scenarios.

Both students thought the Tesoro (Calif.) English teacher was supposed to keep the journal private and not becoming public.  The teacher, Alyssa Di Somma, took the journal to school officials after feeling threatened by the images it presented.

McKnight and Smith apologized to Di Somma and they were not criminally charged.

"Me and my buddy wrote some crazy stuff, Tarantino-like movie type stuff and we were trying to one-up each other, figuring no one was ever going to read it.  It was for lack of judgment for sure, but we were 17 years-old and not thinking."

Not thinking is putting it mildly.  The one person who would read it was the one you graphically threatened with bodily harm.  Does Columbine ring a bell?

"It was an error in judgment," McKnight said.  " I was 17 years-old and had an assignment to write whatever you want, be creative and no one was ever going to read it."

The "prank" almost cost the honor student and sports star McKnight his football career.  Besides being suspended for the last eight football games of his senior year, McKnight was rebuffed by Boise State, to whom he had committed, and ended up as a walk-on at Colorado.

McKnight doesn't deny writing the vile journal and said the entire event was " a learning experience that ultimately get me to where I am today.  You really see how one small error in judgment can affect your whole life."

The new Jet claims he was forthright about the incident with every team, including the Jets,  who showed interest in drafting him.

"People know that is not me," said McKnight.  "I was 17 years-old and had never been in trouble.  I come from a family of police officers."

Sanchez will now be re-united with Sanchez, his old friend from their football days at Santa Margarita High School in Southern-California.  Sanchez even threw to McKnight at Pro-Day and vouched for his abilities on the field last week.

"He's the best guy who didn't go to the combine," Sanchez said.  "He didn't drop a ball at (Pro-Day).  He'd be a steal for someone."

Is that a little tremble of fear in Sanchez's voice when discussing his new receiver/future slasher-film screenwriter.  McKnight could give the football terms slash, cut and deep threat new meanings in the Jets huddle.