Enough with all this madness about Bartolo Colon's home run

Not since Hank Aaron's historic No. 715 has baseball seen a home run as widely celebrated as the one Bartolo Colon dumped into the left field seats at Petco Park Saturday night.

Even Padres pitcher James Shields — the pitcher who gave up the shot — has self-appointed himself "President of the Bartolo Colon Fan Club."

The 19-year MLB vet is a likable enough guy, but it's time for the madness about a single long ball to stop.

We get it. A 42-year-old fat guy lofts a ball into the stands for his first career dinger, wobbles around the bases and all hell breaks loose. And now we get to hear Mets announcer Gary Cohen's now immortal "the impossible has happened" ad nauseum until blood runs out of your ears.



And we've have heard Mets Spanish station WEPN's broadcast clip so much it makes hearing GOOOOOOAAALLLLL sound like sweet music:

Bartolo Colon home run called by the Mets Spanish station WEPN: pic.twitter.com/eRdyvgI13U

— In Mets We Trust (@InMetsWeTrust) May 8, 2016

Now Topps has even turned the image of Colon's dinger into a baseball card:

Bartolo Colon hitting his 1st HR is newest #TOPPSNOW card. Get it here: https://t.co/tpN4j99mUZ pic.twitter.com/KjexVVdPA9

— Topps Company (@toppscards) May 8, 2016

So all you chubby-chasing baseball fans compose yourselves. It was so fortuitous a swing that even the 19-year MLB veteran almost carried the bat all the way to first base with his helmet over his eyes. So get over it.

And if you didn't figure it out by now... I'm a Yankees fan who fondly remembers when El Barto squeezed himself into slimming pinstripes.

Jerry Seinfeld joins Mets broadcast booth (VIDEO)

If you don't already get enough of "Seinfeld " reruns airing non-stop on television these days, maybe you were lucky enough to catch real-life Jerry calling the Mets game at Citi Field Tuesday night.

The star of the iconic TV sitcom and die-hard Mets fan joined old friend Keith "Pretty Boy" Hernandez, Ron Darling and Gary Cohen in the SNY broadcast booth during the game against the Giants.

The comedian brought his usual sense of of the absurd to the quartet and offered a few What's the deal with takes on things bothering Mets fans (maybe not) these days. Seinfeld suggested padding the outfield walls with sofa cushions to make them safer and getting complimentary surgery for mentioning Dr. James Andrews on the air. He even touched on Hernandez's make-out scene with Julia Louis-Dreyfus on the classic hour-long 1992 episode "The Boyfriend." Hernandez sounded joyful recalling they did the scene in "eight takes."

As hopefully expected, it was a broadcast segment about nothing. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Citi Field muscleman unable to open water bottle sets record straight

The Citi Field muscleman —who was hilariously unable to open a water bottle — is now flexing more than his biceps and wants to set the record straight on the full story of the stubborn bottle cap.

After becoming the target of ridicule by Mets announcers — and a YouTube video with over two million hits — for his inability to open a water bottle during last weekend’s game against the Kansas City Royals, the muscleman whose battle was captured for posterity has come forward to give his side to the embarrassing incident.

“First of all, it was not my water bottle,” Christopher, a 38-year-old lawyer in White Plains, N.Y., told The New York Daily News.

“It was handed to me by a security guard in the dugout area who was having trouble with it. The guy was much bigger than me, by the way.”

Chris, who did not want to share his last name out of privacy concerns expressed by his fiancée, told the Daily News that neither he, nor the security guard, managed to make the cap so much as budge.

Chris said cameras only captured a portion of the tag-team effort to open the bottle, making him the butt of jokes by announcers Keith Hernandez and Gary Cohen.

“All that working out and you can’t open a water bottle?” Cohen said of his rather bulging physique.

But Chris says that the camera may have made him look larger than his 5’8” and 190-pound frame.

“I tried as hard as I could,” Chris said.

After his turn with the water bottle, Chris tossed it back to the security guard, and only later realized that the episode had been captured forever.

“It wasn’t played on the Jumbotron,” Chris said. “I had no idea it was being filmed.”

Still, despite becoming the butt of more than a few jokes, Chris has maintained his sense of humor about the incident.

“I don’t blame anybody. It is pretty funny,” Chris said. “But a lot of things were presented incorrectly.”

So glad he cleared that up. Still wondering though, who opens his Muscle Milk?

12 year-old calls plays from Mets broadcast booth like an old pro (VIDEO)

If that voice you heard calling plays the New York Mets broadcast booth Wednesday night didn't sound like SNY regulars Keith Hernandez, Ron Darling or Gary Cohen — you are correct.

The new play-by-play announcer was no veteran but a "kidcaster" who had practiced in front of a basement TV in his Long Island home before his big moment.

Twelve-year-old Johnny Gadamowitz may have sounded like an old pro and knew Mets history, when he took the mic just as pitcher Matt Harvey came up to bat against the Colorado Rockies, but he was just filling in at Citi Field as a contest winner.

"I wish he could get in some more wins," he said of the starter Harvey. "He gets too many no decisions."

For five minutes during the bottom of the second inning, Johnny called the plays with the Mets' regular broadcasters and both Cohen and Hernandez were impressed the boy's memory and joked that he could take over for them.

 Young Johnny won the gig with an essay in the annual kidcaster contest held by SportsNet New York, the TV home of the Mets.

In a 100-word essay on what he most enjoyed about watching the Mets, Johnny said it was being with his grandfather — a Mets fan ever since the Dodgers left Brooklyn. It was in front of the television, many times with his grandfather, that Johnny decided he wanted to get into the sports and media field.

"When I was doing the play by play, it was a really fun experience," he said of his exhilarating stint in the broadcast booth, "but I was at the same time trying to think of stuff to say so there wasn't any dead space."

Ah, dead space — the bane of all broadcasts.