Mets' chicken goes from 'Jeter' to 'Seinfeld'

Mets reliever Tim Byrdak has changed the name of his clubhouse chicken from "Little Derek Jeter" to "Little Jerry Seinfeld."  The $8 hen— Byrdak had a friend pick up in Chinatown— was renamed in honor of the Mets-loving comedian.

The bird was smuggled into the Mets clubhouse after closer Frank Francisco called the Yankees "chickens" on Thursday.

"I told him [Francisco] the Yankees sent it over for him.  He had a look of concern," said Byrdak.

The name Jeter didn't last long — and the team decided to rename the feathered mascot.

"We're going to call him Little Jerry Seinfeld," said team prankster Byrdak— in a nod to the episode of "Seinfeld" which Kramer buys a what he thinks is an egg-laying hen but turns out to be a cockfighting rooster.

Seinfeld weighed in on his bird-brained namesake last night  and told The New York Post," As much as I enjoy the Byrdak humor, he should be aware Little Jerry Seinfeld is no chicken."

Byrdak said he had a buddy buy the bird  from a poultry market in Chinatown and believes it helped the Mets win the first game of the Subway Series Friday night.

Last night, Little Jerry Seinfeld laid a big, fat egg and the Mets lost 4-3.  

The chicken's 15-minutes of fame might be coming to an end, but Byrdak won't let Little Jerry end up in a KFC bucket.

"Does anyone live on a farm that could take a chicken off my hands?" Byrdak tweeted last night.

For now, the feathered friend was in a cage in "a restricted area" of the clubhouse.

Mets' chicken 'Little Jerry Seinfeld' sent down to farm

The New York Mets have retired "Little Jerry Seinfeld"— the chicken whose 15 minutes of fame has come to pass— and will send him from the big leagues down to the farm.

The clucking good luck charm will not end up as someone's feather duster or Josh Beckett's mid-game locker room snack after the bird was handed over at Citi Field to an upstate New York animal sanctuary by Mets pitcher Tim Byrdak— who bought the fowl as a prank on Friday night.

Little Jerry found himself a new home," said Byrdak before the bird was handed over to the Farm Sanctuary of Watkins Glen.  "He avoids the fryer and the oven and everything else you can cook a chicken with."

After the Mets mascot pooped on Byrdak, the lefthander joked, "Just think, you could have ended up on someone's dinner table."

Byrdak had a friend buy the $8 bird from a Chinatown market as a good luck charm after Mets closer Frank Francisco called the New York Yankees "chickens" before this weekend's Subway Series.  Little Jerry's usefulness lasted only one game before the Mets dropped the the final two games to their crosstown rivals.

It's probably a good thing LJ got taken away by the animal lovers so soon. Francisco said he was upset to see Little Jerry go.

"I was planning on making chicken-noodle soup," he said.

He could use it too— a lot of it.  The big closer injured his left oblique and was placed on the the 15-day disabled list.

Somewhere, somehow karma is involved in all this.

Ben & Jerry's apologizes for using fortune cookies in 'Lin-Sanity' flavor

A Boston branch of Ben & Jerry's has apologized for offering a frozen yogurt flavor— that was inspired by NBA sensation Jeremy Lin and "listed fortune cookie pieces" as an ingredient— because there were a few complaints that it played on Asian stereotypes.

"Taste The Lin-Sanity"— a flavor offered for a limited time at the Vermont chain's Harvard Square location— replaced the fortune cookie bits with a waffle cookie served on the side after what the shop's general manager called "a bit of a backlash."

"On behalf of Ben & Jerry's Boston Scoop Shops, we offer a heartfelt apology if anyone was offended by our handmade Linsanity flavor that we offered at out Harvard Square location," the local company said yesterday on its @Ben.JerryBoston Twitter account.

The popular new flavor—which was only sold at the one location— sold out over the weekend.  Lin played his college ball at Harvard University.

"We are proud and honored to have Jeremy Lin hail from one of our fine, local universities and we are huge sports fans," said statement from the Ben & Jerry's Boston group.  "We were swept up in the nationwide Linsanity momentum.  Our intention was to create a flavor to honor Jeremy Lin's accomplishments and his meteoric rise in the NBA, and recognize that he was a local Harvard graduate.  We try to demonstrate our commitment as a Boston-based, value-led business & if we failed in this instance we offer our sincere apologies."

While everything from All-Star weekends to ice cream companies try to cash in on the Linsanity craze, it sounds like people are getting a little too sensitive about the Taiwanese-American's heritage.

The apology sounded awfully similar to the one made by ESPN after the network posted a headline and aired a word many consider offensive to Asians.  Those gaffes led to a suspension and a firing.

Funny thing is fortune cookies are rarely served in China and the after dinner treats are only mostly common in Chinese restaurants in the U.S..  They're as American as apple pie— or Jeremy Lin.

The politically-correct chain also said the pieces of cookie— mixed in with the frozen yogurt and lychee honey swirls— became soggy.

There was no exp-LIN-ation for that.

Mets add rally parakeet to Citi Field menagerie (VIDEO)

The Mets already have gotten a visit at Citi Field by a rally raccoon this season, and in previous years a rally chicken named "Little Jerry Seinfeld" was seen clucking around their home ballpark. 

But since the Mets are flying pretty high these days, it seems only fitting that a bright yellow rally parakeet should appear at the ballpark and cause quite a stir during the Mets' 3-0 win over the Colorado Rockies Wednesday night.

As the colorful bird perched on the screen behind home plate, SNY announcer Keith Hernandez said, "To heck with the field. Put the camera on the parakeet."

And it wasn't long before the bird quickly had its own #rallyparakeet account on Twitter.

The announcers also noticed that newly-acquired leftfielder Yoenis Cespedes was wearing a bright yellow elbow sleeve on his left arm  — the same color with of the parakeet.

"I knew there was a bird on the field," Cespedes said after hitting his first home run as a Met. "I wanted to look like the bird."

A Mets spokesman later said he was unaware of what happened to the parakeet. But, just the same,  the Mets can still do some chirping of their own.

Peyton Manning Gets Over Little Bro Eli Once Again

The New York Giants must have gotten caught up in all of the Royal Wedding mania when they used the 19th pick for a Prince instead of a big body to protect their quarterback, Eli Manning, in last night's NFL draft.  Anthony Castonzo, a big offensive-tackle from Boston College, was still available but was taken by the Indianapolis Colts three slots later.

Colts GM, Bill Polian, did Peyton Manning a big solid and added a few years to his quarterbacking life by adding Castonzo to their depleted O-line.  The Giants gave Peyton's little brother Eli another season of being knocked on his butt.

With their first pick, the G-Men opted for the best athlete still on the board, cornerback Prince Amukamara from Nebraska, and literally left a gaping hole in their offensive line after claiming all week leading up to the draft that patching up their aging and hobbled line would be the Giants main concern.

The Giants wanted Center/Guard Mike Pouncey from Florida.  The twin brother of Maurkice, a Pro-Bowl center for the Pittsburgh Steelers, was taken by the Miami Dolphins with the 15th pick.  Castonzo was the Giants consensus second choice because the team needs help at the tackle position too.

Amukamara is a fine athlete and experts were surprised to see the 6-foot, 206-pounder slip to No. 19, but the Giants already have two solid cornerbacks in Terrell Thomas and Corey Webster with former-first-round pick Aaron Ross as the backup. The most glaring problem last season, outside of the linebackers, was the thin and aging offensive line.

So the Giants scrapped their plans to bolster Eli's protection and grabbed the CB--mostly because of quality and not necessity.  Head coach Tom Coughlin didn't hesitate about the pick-up and said Amukamara "was clearly the highest rated player on the board."

Meanwhile, all three Giants centers--Shaun O'Hara, Rich Seubert and Adam Koets,  are recovering from surgery.  Two starting tackles, David Diehl and Kareem McKenzie, are in their 30's and have a lot of miles on their bodies. 

So while Peyton gets a huge tackle, who will help him on his quest to own every all-time quarterback record in the books for the next few years, little brother Eli looks forward to another season of being chased around the backfield fumbling balls and tossing interceptions.

The Giants GM Jerry Reese said, "You always need corners" citing the NFC East competition's collection of speedy wide-outs.  Eli might be wondering, 'What about protection?'

Eli may now be joined by a Prince, but Peyton is still the King.

Dez Bryant and teammate Tyler Patmon exchange punches in scrimmage fistfight (VIDEO)

Things got a little heated in the Dallas Cowboys training camp when wide receiver Dez Bryant and teammate Tyler Patmon came to blows after a play during a scrimmage Sunday.

The incident started late in the day when Patmon jarred Bryant's helmet loose during the 11-on-11 play and Bryant responded by yanking off Patmon's helmet. Patmon threw a punch and backed away, and Bryant came back with a wild left hook before teammates separated them.

The two continued fighting on the sideline before they were eventually split up by quarterback Tony Romo. 

The Cowboys posted video of the exchange on their website.

Dez Bryant - Tyler Patmon Fight Full Video & Reaction MUST WATCH: http://t.co/egrkA9lI0R pic.twitter.com/oTWsb5zk1X

— Dallas Cowboys (@dallascowboys) August 3, 2015

Romo was eventually able to get Bryant to move to a different part of the sideline, while Patmon stood with players and other team personnel nearby.

When practice ended a few minutes later, head coach Jason Garrett spoke briefly to Bryant, who then walked over to Patmon and hugged him while fans nearby cheered after earlier yelling at Bryant to calm down.

"I got a little bit overheated," Bryant said later. "At the end of the day, that's something that you really need for a team, on a team. I'm just trying to win ballgames."

"If you would’ve seen the play before, I was giving him a little bit of mouth, just talking a whole bunch of stuff to him,'"he said, according to the Dallas Morning News. 

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, who had already left the practice field, wasn't bothered by the skirmish.

He said he caught footage of it on television and said, "Man, you'd have thought it was CNN featuring some big event going on."

"That's training camp. That's not new," he added. "That's been happening at our training camp for years and years and years."

Imagining the "new normal" when MLB opens the gates after the pandemic lockdown

By Tony Mangia

In just a few short months the whole world has been tossed upside down by the coronavirus. An invisible scourge which has disrupted our lives in everything from work, travel to sports and leisure time. In the United States we are experiencing what seem like cataclysmic changes to our lives and not only adjustments to our lifestyles, but to our freedoms as well.

We know business closures and confinement are just temporary sacrifices everyone has to make and whether through ingenuity, humor or just plain stoicism, most of us have weathered the hard times with flying colors. 

But exactly how short-term will these precautions be? Nobody seems to know.

Just like post-9/11, our way of life changed dramatically coming out of the ashes, but slightly over the long run when you look back. Airport security had become stricter and bothersome, but a necessary task. Thanks to the shoe bomber, even removing our shoes in line has become routine (Thank you Velcro lacing) and, just like airports, stadium security at public events will see some major changes after Covid-19. 

We’ve been through cultural and personal changes due to recent hardships before and have a history of overcoming adversity through adaption and innovation which someway became the norm.

WW2 brought about rationing, blackouts and other inconvenient precautionary measures, but also begot great advances in medical and technological innovations. 

The terrorist attacks at the World Trade center was the catalyst for many security procedures and similar changes in our way of life.

On a relatively smaller danger scale, even the Tylenol scare of the 80s tamper-proof bottles and the elimination of most capsule-type over- the- counter medicines — something we are grateful and complacent about now.

We coped and we overcame.

But what will the pandemic bring once we are allowed to attend sporting events after we get the okay to gather en masse?

What new patterns of behavior will we have to endure to enjoy the stadium experience again? 

Since Major League Baseball seems about the most logical professional sport which might be reinstated this summer, we’ll start there — and with my hometown Yankees and Mets. 

This is all speculation on a lighter note and a prediction that there will be an opening day with fans this season — albeit with the new precautionary and social distancing guidelines.

Let’s imagine the anticipation of the first pitch as newly set-loose fans file out of crowded subway cars and make their way to Citi Field or Yankee Stadium — both which will have instituted unfamiliar and stricter rules to adhere — after maybe months of isolation. Never mind the logic, but will fans have to line up on little marked boxes six feet apart  ... after they stepped off those mobbed trains. I imagine that the event staff will all be wearing face masks — probably in home team colors — and all ticket punching will be electronic so there is no physical contact. Cash might become obsolete in stadium settings. 

As you pass through the turnstile an event staffer will stick a hand-held thermometer to your forehead — checking each person’s body temperature — before allowing you to pass. A cough will never be looked at the same way as before.  God forbid you clear your throat before spouting off how the Astros cheated the Yankees out of a World Series or the Mets have once again been duped out of real ownership and are whisked off to a tent with a big red cross on its side where you will  be further questioned by people in haz-mat suits inside about your physical history.  

The surreal apocalyptic environment will continue once inside inside the arena or stadium.  There will probably be those six-foot spacing boxes at every concession stand and in the souvenir shops where over-priced Purell and official licensed team face gaiters will be big sellers. No more communal condiment tables to pump your ketchup and mustard anymore. Can't have more hand contact spots or any mingling areas than you need. And in the men’s room, every other urinal will sealed so there is no close contact or chance of spraying your neighbor. Oh yeah, thefts of toilet paper will become rampant.

Every other seat or more will be closed off, so there will be plenty of elbow room in the stands. The empty seats will be filled with cutouts of Jerry Seinfeld at Citi Field and Chazz Palminteri at Yankee Stadium. Sorry Spike, your face will relegated to Knicks game — whether you are boycotting them or not.  And in The Bleachers, like those metal pigeon repellers, the aluminum planks will be proportionately spiked to keep fans at acceptable distances. It's not like barbed wire ever kept the Creatures from doing anything they wanted anyhow.

So now with the fan attendance cut down more than half, the roar of a crowd will become a low murmur — sort of like every Tampa Bay Rays home game at The Trop.

Fan behavior will also be monitored. High-fives after a score or good play will banned. So will fist and chest bumps. Fan celebrations will be restricted to rapid blinking at each other.  There will be staff on hand — with six-foot rulers — to discipline drunk social-distance offenders and fans reviving The Wave, making sure they don’t make contact with anyone in the seats around them. And the time-honored ritual of fans passing down a hot dog or a beer from a vendor over to that poor soul seated in no-man's land will also be a big no-no.  

Baseball stadiums will be netted around the entire field to prevent fans from throwing an opponent's home run ball back onto the field. And, sadly for Mets fans, Mr. and Mrs. Met broke up during the quarantine period together. She got tired of listening to him excitedly talk about the possibility of J-Lo becoming a team owner and his joke about Miss A-Rod pole dancing to “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” thus giving the 7th inning stretch a whole new meaning.

There will still be fun. Mascots will fire rubber gloves — with official licensed MLB team logos — from t-shirt cannons over the nets and there will be Lysol Spray Giveaway Night. Although it's too bad the Kiss Cam will become the I’ll Just Look Endearingly At You From Six-Feet Away Cam. 

But god forbid some wiry teenager does manage to get onto the field. That will entail a complete shutdown of the game because MLB has to protect those players.

When this whole lockdown confinement is over and things get relatively back to normal, many of us will have profoundly changed forever — probably a little more introspective and lot more cautious. The idle time gave us more time to think about family, relationships, finances, politics and health. I see a kinder more grateful fan who won’t let little things bother them as much ... except maybe how the cheating Astros robbed the Yankees of a World Series.

And then we can all wait for the first NFL touchdown celebration where players act out pandemic social-distancing.

Victor Cruz Turns Down Offer From "Dancing With The Stars"

Victor Cruz, the New York Giants salsa dancing wide receiver, told reporters after Friday's practice that he received an offer through his agent to be a contestant on "Dancing with the Stars" and turned it down.

It was only a matter of time before the hit television show— which turned NFL players Jerry Rice and Hines Ward into Fred Astaires— contacted the nimble-footed Cruz and invited him to strut his stuff.

People have been suggesting it for weeks.

The subject came up by accident at his locker.  When asked if he was offered anything "weird or crazy" by anyone that caused him to do a "double-take" since his new found celebrity, Cruz laughed.

"Funny you should ask," he said.  "I just got an official offer from "Dancing with the Stars" this past week.  I knew it was coming.  That was the only one that turned my head."

Cruz was a little ambiguous about appearing and said the show is "probably a no, definitely a no" in his future and he only wants to focus on football.

Asked if he thinks he would be any good, the wideout shook his head and not his hips.

"I got a little bit of rhythm," he said.  "But I don't know how good I'd be at a tango."

Cruz said he told his mom about the offer and she "laughed about it and said, 'You had to know it was coming.'"

DWTS fans shouldn't give up hope. When pressed, Cruz said he'd give the show a look.

"Maybe in a couple of years down the line," he said.

FULL INTERVIEW

Jerry Sandusky's Lawyer Uses Gay Phone-Sex Line In Response To Charges

Accused child molester Jerry Sandusky's lawyer, Joe Amendola, quipped to reporters— after his client waived his right to a preliminary hearing— about a report which says a witness saw Sandusky rape a boy in a Penn State locker room then informed head football coach Joe Paterno and two university officials but failed to notify police.

If you believe that, said Amendola,  "I suggest you dial 1-800-REALITY."

Little did the often criticized lawyer know that he inadvertently gave a number for a real gay phone-sex line for "the hottest place for triple-X action."

Oh yes he did..

Amendola's public gaff occurred during a press conference outside  the Centre County Courthouse Tuesday where the lawyer tried to explain that the grand jury report which detailed the sex-abuse charges against the former Penn State defensive coordinator was flawed.

The report says the witness (Penn State wide receivers coach Mike McQueary) saw Sandusky—who faces more than 50 charges sex-abuse charges—rape the boy.

The lawyer's unfortunate choice of phone number is a gay-sex phone chat service.

"Get ready for bulging, bursting pleasure," the introduction for the phone service boasts.

Amendola seems intent on digging a big ditch for his client to climb out from and has been harshly criticized by other attorneys for his unorthodox counsel and advice.

The case has been a major blow to the school and brought shame to Paterno's program and Amendola's strategy is being scrutinized.

 The defense lawyer gave Sandusky permission to be interviewed by NBC's Bob Costas and The New York Times.  In those reports, Sandusky acknowledged showering with boys and other unsuitable activities.  He also admitted he liked being around young people.

"There will be no negotiations," claimed Amendola.  "This is a fight to the death."

Marci Hamilton, an attorney for a 29 year-old man who claims he was abused more than 100 times by Sandusky between 1992 and 1996, said she is baffled by Amendola's behavior.

"He's very unorthodox,' she said about Amendola allowing the interviews.  "I don't know if that's good or bad."

Tom Coughlin, Jason Pierre-Paul finally talk but still no timeline for return: Report

It’s been over four weeks in the making, but Tom Coughlin and Jason Pierre-Paul have finally spoken to each other. And from that conversation, it sounds like JPP won’t be back with the Giants anytime soon.

On Saturday, the Giants head coach said that he’d finally gotten in touch with his star defensive end, in a phone call on Friday night. And while Coughlin said the two had a “good conversation,” Pierre-Paul also made official what most believed: He will not return to the team until he is healthy enough to take the field.

“He’s looking forward to coming,” Coughlin said. “He’s anxious to be here. But he’s not going to come until he feels like he’s ready to be able to play.” 

The Giants defensive end already spoke Giants General Manager Jerry Reese and his position coach Robert Nunn in recent weeks to re-open the lines of communication that were closed immediately after Pierre-Paul was injured in a fireworks accident on July 4. 

The Giants defensive stud is still recovering from injuries to both hands sustained in the incident. He had at least his right index finger amputated as a result, and, just a month later, there are still questions about his rehabbing and condition.

“Do I know anything more than I did before, no,” Coughlin said, via NJ.com. “He’s looking forward to coming, he’s anxious to be here. But he’s not going to come until he feels like he is ready to play. It could be any amount of time; I’m not even going to speculate. … He wishes he was here, too.”

JPP  has yet to sign his $14.813 million franchise tag tender and remains without a contract. By not inking a deal until fully healthy, he prevents the Giants from placing him on the non-football injury list. If the Giants chose to place him on the NFI list, they would not have to pay him.

Coughlin said he has no idea when Pierre-Paul will be ready for action, so he can't calculate when the defensive end will re-join the team. “It could be whatever amount of time,” the coach said. “I’m not even going to speculate.”

But Coughlin is sure that Pierre-Paul wants to suit up with the Giants. 

“There’ve been many people talking to him,” Coughlin said. “He’s little by little tried to make his contacts. 

“I was glad to hear his voice,” Coughlin added. “He sounded good. He sounded interested, that he wanted to get back here.” 

Osi Umenyiora Calls LeSean McCoy a 'Chihuahua or Poodle'

New York Giants defensive end, Osi Umenyiora, is still making a lot of noise one day after leaking bits of an affidavit claiming that New York Giants GM Jerry Reese reneged on a verbal agreement to renegotiate his contract.  Now, when Umenyiora should be in some sort of spin control, he has stirred up more controversy by comparing Philadelphia Eagles running back LeSean McCoy to a yapping, little lap dog.

After Umenyiora's story broke on Thursday afternoon, McCoy Tweeted that Umenyiora was "overrated n soft."  McCoy also called Umenyiora the "3rd best d-line on his team honestly."

In a phone interview with The New York Times, Umenyiora responded to McCoy's tweet.

"That little chihuahua or poodle in the backfield," steamed Umenyiora.  "He doesn't have to block me.  If you have something to say, say it man to man; you can't be a Twitter gangster.  That's easy to do, trying to be a tough guy.  Say it to my face, and we'll see what happens."

Or you can say it in an affidavit to be filed in Minneapolis next month.

Umenyiora goes on to say that the G-Men's defense has a pet name for McCoy: "Lady Gaga."  The Giants defensive end doesn't elaborate on how the nickname came about.

McCoy hasn't replied to Umenyiora's diss, but he might start by reminding him that the Eagles are 4-0 against the Giants with the speedster in the backfield and then go all Twitter gangster by throwing in a video of his game-winning run through Umenyiora's fingertips and the Giants defense last season. 

The G-Men's defense had so many holes against the Eagles in that epic New York fail last season, McCoy might think of calling them the Kardashians.

While Umenyiora goes off on McCoy, it looks like his stance against the Giants has softened.

According to the Times interview, Osi did an about face and revealed his deep love for the team from the Meadowlands.

Umenyiora said he'd be happy to return to New York, even after, in that sworn affidavit, called Reese a liar for going back on a two-year old verbal commitment to renegotiate his contract after the 2010 season.

"I love my teammates.  The owners of the team, Mr. Mara and Mr. Tisch, I'm really cool with both of them," said Umenyiora.  "They came to the hospital when I was injured...I don't have a beef with them per se.  At the end of the day, they're going to have to make the best decision for them."

Umenyiora's case is notable mostly because he is one of the plaintiffs named in the ongoing anti-trust case against the NFL.

Finally, some spinning and less stirring from the disgruntled Giant.  Stay tuned.

Ron Artest Bringing Comedy Act To New York City

Ron Artest is preparing to take us into his wacky world of weirdness and whimsy by bringing "Ron Artest - The Ultimate Comedy Tour" to New York City this summer.  The Los Angeles Lakers small-forward will host four comedy shows at Caroline's on Broadway on July 15 and 16.

Right after getting swept by the Dallas Mavericks, it seems only natural for Artest, the Queens, NY native and the NBA's reigning class clown, to come home and try his hand at making people laugh with him and not at him.

After all,  his embarrassing play in the second-round playoff was pretty comical.  Taking a cue from that other L.A. funny man Charlie Sheen, the well-traveled basketball star might now want to call his show "Losing."

The 31 year-old Artest could even take the show on the road.  Lord knows he's already made controversial stops with the Bulls, Pacers, Kings and Rockets.  What's another Laugh Factory in Toronto? Detroit would be a blast.  Just imagine the heckling when he reminds Piston fans about the 'Brawl in the Palace.'

The out-spoken former-St. John's star is no stranger to the spotlight or making us laugh--mostly unintentionally.  Here's a sampling of his off-the-backboard humor.

When he joined the Lakers, Artest took '37' for his jersey number as a tribute to Michael Jackson whose "Thriller" album was "#1 on 'Billboard' for 37 weeks."  Cerebral stuff.   Reminds me of Steven Wright.

Then there was the one about thanking his shrink on national TV, right after the Lakers won the NBA Championship last year.  Richard Lewis anyone?

If Artest doesn't tickle your funny bone, he may break it.  Just ask the Mavericks little J.J. Barea how a Ron Artest punchline--I mean clothesline--feels.

With his Queensbridge Projects upbringing, Artest's comedy-stylings might be a little bit more rough around the edges than edgy.  It's an acquired taste.  Like Carrot Top on steroids.

The small forward's comedy goddesses will include local morning radio DJ's and pals according to the New York Daily News.  No porn stars or hookers in this extravaganza--just a laff-riot.   Hey, here's one.  What do the Lakers and a Japanese steak house have in common?  They both have aged Kobe.  Pure gold, Jerry, pure gold.

We can only hope that Artest starts rapping during the show.  Now, that would be really hilarious.

Where's Shaq when you need him?  No, Really.  Where is he?

Deron Williams was already unfit at Olympics, claims Jerry Colangelo

There is a lot of speculation about Deron Williams' weight gain and subsequent inferior play — since he reportedly aggravated an ankle injury during the the 2012 Olympics — but USA Basketball president Jerry Colangelo claims the Brooklyn Nets point guard was already out of shape before he played in the London Games.

The Nets maintain that their $100 million star's sub-par season is from being worn down from continuous play over the past two years — and led to PRP (platelet-rich plasma) injections in both ankles this week — but Colangelo said Williams is just out of shape.

"Deron Williams, for the Olympics was not in the best of shape," Colangelo told The New York Daily News on Friday. "He was a little overweight, and I told him that at the time."

Through 50 games this season, Williams has struggled with injuries to his shoulder, wrist, thigh and ankles.  He will miss his first All-Star Game in three years after failing to put up the numbers he has in recent years.

While a lot of people blamed the additional weight for Williams apparent lack of quickness this season, Nets general manager Billy King said the point guard was only one pound heavier than what he weighed when he was acquired in a trade with Utah in 2011.  King blames Williams' physical breakdowns on the non-stop schedule over the course of 2012 and not his player's conditioning.

Colangelo disagreed by citing other Olympic competitors — like LeBron James and Kevin Durant — who are enjoying injury-free, MVP-caliber seasons.

"If you look at the track record of all the players who participated with us, how they came into their next seasons and had outstanding years,” Colangelo said. “So there are injuries that have taken place that have nothing to do with participating with us. If anything, they’re in better shape and they’re better prepared going into training camp with their teams."

It's still not clear when Williams aggravated his ankle injury at the Olympics, after averaging nine points and 4.6 assists while shooting 39%.

"He's a heck of a player, great guy, made a real contribution to USA Basketball," said Colangelo about Williams. "And if he decides that he can't participate because of his own health conditions, I've got a list a mile long of people who want to play.

"We take care of our players," he added.  "Nobody is going to get hurt because they play for USA basketball. Just the opposite."

Osi Umenyiora Has Packed His Bags & Wants Out Of New York

If it's spring, it must mean another demand to be traded by New York Giants defensive end Osi Umenyiora.  In what has become an annual grind in the Giants rumor mill,  Umenyiora is making allegations and mandates once again.  Only this time it seems like Osi really means it.

In a sworn affidavit to be filed in Minneapolis next month, Umenyiora makes it clear why he wants to leave New York by stating Giants general manager, Jerry Reese,  has failed to honor a verbal agreement to renegotiate Umenyiora's current contract.

According to ESPN,  Umenyiora met with Reese during the off-season after the 2008 season and the GM promised that, in two years, the Giants would reevaluate the two-time Pro-Bowler's contract.

Take This Sport and Shove It!

By Tony Mangia

FLIGHT ATTENDANT HAS NOTHING ON SPORTS STARS

The Jet Blue Flight attendant who cursed out a passenger, grabbed a few beers and chuted down to the unemployment line may be considered a folk hero to some---or a quitter to others. Steve Slater's last straw moment to the rude passenger over the jet's PA system has struck a nerve in today's tough economic climate. I'll do what I have to boss, but don't anyone step on my toes. Slater threw in the towel, but did it with a touch of panache. Sports has a long history of quitters.

To many, the idea of flipping off the boss or dropping a file cabinet on top of your supervisor's head is a fantasy envisioned daily. Most sane people think of the consequences--firings, loss of pension...jail--but it is easy to say that Slater aka The Bag Nazi, had every right to say "kiss my ass" to the disruptive customer and the airline respectively. Pubic opinion has sided with Slater and that has to be a first, in recent times, for flight attendants.

HISTORY'S GREAT QUITTERS

Look back at some of the greatest quitters of all time; Richard Nixon--before he could be thrown out of office--and the ex-Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin recently let the door hit her on the way out. Many take the good until it got a little shaky. Some, like George Harrison, who quit the Beatles for one week, hit the eject button for creative differences; while others like sourpuss actor David Caruso--who disappeared from NYPD Blue and spent years in television purgatory--believe they have a higher calling---in other words "I'm better than this." Sometimes it works out. Right, Shelley Long?

Films have idolized characters who have had enough and went over the edge. Remember Peter Finch in Network when he screamed "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!" It resounded with movie goers and he got the Oscar---even after he was dead---his portrayal of the fed-up newscaster. Jack Nicholson made a career of rebelling against authority and little people alike. Remember the memorable diner scene when he wiped the table clean because of the insolent waitress in Five Easy Pieces.

THERE ARE QUITTERS AND THERE ARE HOLDOUTS

Recently rookie Dez Bryant wouldn't be bullied by Dallas Cowboy veterans and refused to lower himself to transporting their carry-off luggage. He held his ground and refused to haul his teammates' shoulder pads. Call him a diva, but he stuck it to his superiors. Darrelle Revis has refused to attend Jets camp and his agent called team owner, Woody Johnson, a liar regarding a contract summit. He may be a contract breaker, but Revis is giving it to the man.

When it comes to quitting in sports, the most notorious is the " No mas, No Mas" fight between Roberto Duran and Sugar Ray Leonard. Duran never lived it down after blaming his eighth-round exit on cramps from a couple of t-bone steaks he had just devoured. The great fighter with the Hands of Stone still carries around a heavier legacy as a quitter.

Michelle Wie pulled out of a 2007 LPGA tournament, after a double-bogey that would have eliminated her, claiming a severely sprained wrist. She was seen freely swinging the club the next day. Maybe it was the impatience of youth. Hell, even Jersey tough-guy Bill Parcells has quit coaching four times! Well, we won't blame him for the Cowboys and Jerry Jones.

There is a difference between being George Costanza and holding out or taking an early retirement. Take Barry Sanders---Detroit Lion fans might call him a quitter. He retired early and in his prime but maybe he saw the reign of Matt Millen on the horizon. You call early-retiree Jim Brown a quitter...I'm not.

J.D. Drew stomped his feet and held his breath when he refused to report to the Phillies in a trade. I bet he regrets that move now. Funny, Eric Lindros held out and refused to play for the Nordiques and ended up in the same City of Brotherly Love. Don't tell Philadelphia and Quebec these guys weren't quitters, respectively. Last year Jay Cutler threw a hissy-fit until his bosses in Denver finally relented and granted the turn tail quarterback a trade to the Chicago Bears.

It's hard to feel sorry for today's million-dollar athletes. Boo-hoo, you don't make as much as the next player or you're better than the original contract you signed or I want to play for a winner. It's still a job. Football two-a-days in July and 5 a.m. road work or sparring until your arms are black and blue isn't easy, but it's better than digging a ditch or sucking coal dust. The sun-drenched shagging of flies or foggy mornings perfecting a nine-iron swing may not be as mundane as punching a factory clock or as greasy as tuning an engine, but it is still work---albeit with millions and fame.

IT'S TIME FANS SAID TAKE THIS SEAT AND SHOVE IT!

The fans are the real workhorses here. Our paychecks go to paying for PSI's and season tickets. The New York Giants released the prices for food at their new stadium this upcoming season. A deli sandwich is $14 at the new Meadowlands Stadium. Hey, didn't we help pay for that Jumbo-tron? Beer now runs $8.75 and a slice of pizza is six bucks! They even have sushi platters for $9.50! Sushi!? This is the Garden State, not the Golden one! It's a corporate executive box stadium now. Fight the power!

If there is any justice for New York fans this year, the words made famous by toothless Johnny Paycheck, Take This Job and Shove It!, will come from the mouth of Knicks' new consultant Isiah Thomas. That's a quitter any New Yorker would love.

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones: 'Watch us beat the Giants' asses'

Outspoken owner of the Dallas Cowboys, Jerry Jones, said his team will beat the New York Giants this season.  A big time, Lone Star whooping.

After his widely-ridiculed, off-the-wall comment about wanting "me some glory hole" the other day, Jones still hasn't stopped yapping out of that big hole in the middle of his face.

"Y' all should come down to Cowboys Stadium and watch us beat the Giants' asses," said Jones at a ceremony to open the Cowboys' training camp on Monday, according to ESPN.

This comes days after former-Cowboy and current-Giant tight end Martellus Bennett boasted, "I just want to kick those guys [Cowboys players] asses."

I'm sensing a a glory hole theme all-around here.

The Cowboys' ceremony actually included skydivers in a pep rally atmosphere. The Cowboys are still hurting after being knocked on their butts and out of the playoffs by the Giants in 2011 and a could use a little chest puffing.

If Jones' prediction comes true, it sounds like Dallas will make the fans to wait few weeks for the posterior paddling since the teams meet first in the NFL season opener on Sept. 5 at MetLife Stadium and don't face each other at Cowboys Stadium until Oct. 28.

The Giants won both games against Dallas last season— a 37-34 victory in Texas and a 31-14 win in New Jersey to clinch the NFC East.

Jones may be talking out of his— well, let's say Tex-ass— because the Giants are 3-0 at Cowboys Stadium since they opened the $1.3 billion-dollar venue.

Jose Reyes Feels A-Rod's Love But Not His Tag: See For Yourself

In what a lot of New York Yankees fans are going to take as an indirect jab at rehabbing shortstop Derek Jeter, teammate Alex Rodriguez called Jose Reyes, Jeter's New York Mets counterpart, "the world's greatest player" before the Yankees 5-1 victory at Citi Field.

Before last night's opening game of a three-game series between the two cross-town rivals, A-Rod gushed about Reyes' remarkable season and how great he is playing.

"They have the world's greatest player right now playing shortstop over there, and most exciting," said Rodriguez.  "I turn on the TV every time I get a chance to watch him."

Sorry Jeter fans, it's true, even if A-Rod is only comparing the Met to Eduardo Nunez, who is technically the Yankees shortstop right now.  Reyes is the man.

When Reyes heard about the Yankees third baseman's comments, he was flattered.

"It's nice, it's nice he said that about me," said Reyes.  "We are good friends. It's nice that he thinks that, especially because he's the best player in the world.  It's nice that players notice what  am doing, but at the same time, I don't let it get to my head, I still have to go out there and focus."

All that pre-game sweet talk lasted about seven innings into last night's game after Reyes was called out on a controversial play at third base in the bottom of the seventh.  The call killed a Mets rally.

On the play, Reyes tagged at first and went to second on a Justin Turner fly ball to center.  The alert Reyes tried to advance to third after Nunez misplayed the throw, but home plate umpire Jerry Layne-- who was somehow covering the base-- said Reyes was tagged "on the side of the belt-buttocks area" by Rodriguez as Nunez's throw made it to third.

Reyes jumped up up protesting and had to be separated from Layne by the Mets third base coach Chip Hale.

"I don't feel any tag," said Reyes.  "It was a tough situation there, down 3-1.  It's a different ballgame."

Replays show the Mets speedster was right and his manager Terry Collins was ejected for arguing the whiffed tag.

"He acted on his instincts," reasoned Collins.  "You can't corral a guy like that."

It sounded like Rodriguez believes he touched more than Reyes' heart.

"I think I just touched a little bit of his sleeve," said A-Rod.  "I saw the replay three or four times and I couldn't even tell then."

"I think I had a good chance to make it...but he called me out," Reyes said.  "That's part of the game.  I try to be aggressive on the basepaths and nothing's gonna change that."

Whatever the outcome, it was a heads up play by Reyes, and is one of the reasons he is so highly regarded.  The 28 year-old, who is looking at a free-agency bonanza after the season, currently leads the majors in batting average (.352 ), hits (123), triples (an amazing 15) and multi-hit games (42).  Oh yeah, he has 30 steals too.

While Rodriguez's gushing over Reyes might seem like a dig at Jeter, the words weren't as strong as the ones he seemed to direct at him two years ago at the World Baseball Classic.  Back then, Rodriguez--a teammate of Reyes on the Dominican Republic team-- said, "I wish he [Reyes] was leading off on our team.  That is fun to watch."

A-rod sounds like he's all in with Reyes.

"If I wasn't playing third base, I'd definitely buy a ticket and try and come all weekend," said A-Rod.  "...There's not a player in the world that's playing at a higher level than Jose Reyes."

For the first time, the Subway Series doesn't have Jeter as it's main attraction--while he waits to be reactivated from a nagging calf strain.  The absence of Jeter and his quest for his 3,000th hit turns the spotlight to the deserving Reyes.

"You've got to keep him [Reyes] off the bases," said Yankees manager Joe Girardi.  "The way he's swinging the bat, it hasn't been easy for clubs to do.  He's so close to hitting .400 in the month of June, so now that it's July 1 maybe he can go the other way."

And a little more Mets love from A-Rod.

"I can't remember a more exciting series against the Mets coming up just because they've been playing extremely well," said the poker-playing Yankee.  "They've been playing at a really high level."

The love-fest continues Saturday afternoon.

K-ROD IS NOW A RELEASED PITCHER

By Tony Mangia

METS PROBLEMS ACCUMULATE

New York Mets relief pitcher, Francisco Rodriguez came out of the pen today. In a week that saw the Mets' record drop to under .500 and Johan Santana become the center of civil suit, which alleges the pitcher sexually assaulted a Florida woman, now comes the arrest and release of closer Rodriguez for attacking his father-in-law. Rodriguez was charged with 3rd degree assault by the NYPD Wednesday night after the Mets 6-2 loss to the Colorado Rockies.

The volatile Rodriguez, aka K-Rod, was accused of punching Carlos Pena, 53, then pushing his head into a wall inside the Mets Family Lounge at CitiField. The Mets pitcher was handcuffed on the premises and held overnight. Rodriguez was released on his own recognizance this afternoon while the Mets were cruising to a 4-0 complete game victory over the Rockies by Santana.

Rodriguez has a history of altercations. He had a "heated" discussion with the Mets' bullpen coach, Randy Niemann, earlier this year where some reporters claimed there was physical contact. Last year, the hot-tempered Rodriguez got into a public skirmish with assistant GM, Tony Bernazard , on a team bus. Mutual glares with opposing players have always been as much a part of his repertoire as is his arm.

The Mets announced that Rodriguez will be suspended without pay for two games. In a statement they declared, "We take this situation seriously." The big question is does Rodriguez?

A BALKING TIME BOMB

Teammates have rallied around K-Rod before, but must wonder what set him off this time. Manager Jerry Manuel's decision to not use the pitcher for a four-out save in the eighth inning with the Mets ahead 2-1 could have set things in motion. Manuel used Manny Acosta, who gave up a grand slam and lost the game. When reporters approached the 28 year-old Rodriguez after the game he threw a tantrum like an bratty kid. He cursed and shouted, "Did I f--- pitch tonight? Why do I have to talk to you f--- guys?"

The Mets look like they are ready for their annual free fall from playoff contention--only a little earlier this year. K-Rod is their go-to closer and his loss is a great disadvantage. Mets players, who are just getting acquainted with Santana's legal woes, now have the antics of Rodriguez to deal with. The team will have the added pressure of anticipating his next ugly meltdown. "Everyone makes mistakes," reasoned third baseman, David Wright, " He'll have to take care of things with his family." The question is which family? Rodriguez has two--his wife's and the Mets?

Justin Tuck threatens to 'punch in the mouth' anyone who turns on Coughlin

The second-guessing may have started in the New York Giants locker room — a disheartening indication that the team's season could be slowly slipping away and the first sign of discord under Tom Coughlin's reign since the Tiki Barber years.

“Right now, we are as low as you can get,” defensive end Justin Tuck said after a lifeless  31-7 loss to the Chiefs Sunday.

The Giants’ first 0-4 start in a non-strike year since 1979 is not entirely Coughlin’s fault. He was given an aging roster with little depth by general manager Jerry Reese and the Giants have endured a debilitating number of injuries. Reese is as much to blame as Coughlin —maybe more.

And, outside of Victor Cruz publicly questioning Coughlin's fourth-down call against the Chiefs, the team has not turned on Coughlin outright — yet.

One Giant who says speaking up against Coughlin is akin to fighting words is Tuck

“If anyone turns on our coach, I would be the first one to punch him in the mouth,” Justin Tuck told the N.Y. Daily News. “And put that in print. It better not happen, I know that.”

The play in question was a third-and-17 from the Giants 14. Eli Manning connected with Cruz for what initially was ruled a first down. Andy Reid challenged the spot and after the review the officials placed the ball at the 30-and-a-half yard line. Cruz needed to get to the 31. Coughlin made the right decision punting down by just three deep in his own end. Imagine the second-guessing if he had gone for it and missed and the Chiefs quickly traveled the short field for a touchdown.

Tuck admitted on the sideline, “Every defensive player wanted him to go for it. That is why we probably will never be coaches. That would have been a stupid move. Even if you get it, it would still be a stupid move.”

Cruz, who had scored on a 69-yard TD pass from Manning in the second quarter, claims he wasn't second-guessing Coughlin's call — only saying he wanted to stay on the field.

“I thought we should have gone for it on that fourth down,” Cruz said. “It’s coach’s call at the end of the day.”

From their own 30 down three?

“If it was me? Yes. Because we had the momentum,” Cruz said. “I felt it was a yard, not even a yard, half a yard, we’ve got to take a risk at some point and make something happen.”

If the Giants lose against the Eagles Sunday, some thing is bound to happen.

Tom Coughlin thinks Jason Pierre-Paul's injuries are more severe than reported

In his first public comments about Jason Pierre-Paul, New York Giants head coach Tom Coughlin said he has no idea when Pierre-Paul might show up at the team's training camp, described the player's refusal to allow the team to participate in his recovery as a "fiasco," and suggested that JPP is receiving poor advice from his management.

Speaking to Sports Illustrated's MMQB.com, Coughlin said he believes the silence from Pierre-Paul makes him fear that the injury is more severe than even the gory details that have been reported.

"I don't know what they think they are hiding," Coughlin said. "It only makes us, me personally, think the worst."

It's been nearly a month since the Giants defensive end injured his right hand in a fireworks mishap on July 4. Coughlin texted him the following day, offering any assistance that he and the Giants could provide.

He has yet to hear back.

Coughlin said he first learned of the injury on July 5 from general manager Jerry Reese. That's when he sent the text to JPP that read simply: "How can I help you?" He has yet to receive a response.

"I want to help. I want to be there for him," Coughlin said. "But he's decided that he doesn't want our help. He thinks that something will come of it. But, all I care about, all any of us care about, the whole organization, is the well-being of the kid."

Coughlin is not alone in the mystery. He said that defensive line coach Robert Nunn has spoken to Pierre-Paul a few times since the accident, and others have communicated via text, but most of the conversations between JPP and those associated with the team have been vague.

"There has been very little information even to this point in time," Coughlin said. "Everybody in this building is concerned with him and his welfare. Even to the point where this fiasco, when Ronnie [Barnes] goes down there and Jessie [Armstead] goes down there, and he won't see them — these are the people he has depended on all the time he has been there. I don't know what he thought he was going to accomplish by not allowing them to be there to assist, to help, whatever needed to be done."

"I thought that was a really poor move by them, by his people," he said.

Pierre-Paul was absent from the team's spring workouts and seems to be rehabbing his hand on his own. It was expected that he would sign the one-year, $14.8-million franchise tender shortly after the mid-July deadline to reach a long-term agreement passed. He has not. And, not surprisingly, the Giants would like to assess his hand injury before any contracts are signed.

For that to happen, Pierre-Paul has to show up.

Pierre-Paul didn't attend the team's minicamp in June, as Coughlin had hoped. Now he has no idea when he'll see Pierre-Paul again.

"I don't know what to expect anymore," Coughlin said.