If all the forecasts are correct, this Sunday in New York--the night of the big game in three years--will bring snow and icy rain to New Meadowlands Stadium with temperatures dropping to 20 degrees. Don't forget the wind chills which sweep across the swamplands. Perfect for football purists, hell for everyone else.
Right now, the temperature over/under for Super Bowl XLVIII in NJ/NY is 32.5 degrees and snow comes in at 5-to-1 odds. Global warming is the handicap. There isn't a retractable roof.
Bad weather aside, it's the pomp and promotion leading up to the game that should really keep people away. Here are a few of the things to look forward to that could make Super Bowl XLVIII the best ever. One can only wish.
- New Meadowlands Stadium is now named Giants Stadium once again. New Meadlowlands Stadium. What genius came up with that one?
- Seeing newly-appointed NFL Commissioner Keith "I know everything" Olbermann blame the inclement weather on George W. Bush.
- Watching ESPN and other networks insist on having their talk show analysts broadcast from freezing, open booths outside the studio. Mike Greenberg shivers to death on live TV and no one notices.
- Mexican "reporter" Ines Sainz shows up and no one cares.
- Media Day is cancelled due to the foul weather. Players and reporters are instructed to use Twitter from hotel rooms. Rachel Nichols wins stupidest question after she tweets Mark Sanchez and asks why he and "Entourage" actor, Adrian Grenier have never been seen in the same room together?
- A Super Bowl Tribute to "Jersey Shore" and Jimmy Hoffa pre-game extravaganza beats out a "Twilight" themed mope-fest.
- After Justin Bieber's hair malfunction in last year's Super Bowl XLVII half-time show in New Orleans, Bruce Springsteen gets the call in 2014. Why? Because Jersey's favorite son can do whatever he wants in the Garden State. Wyckoff's own Jonas Brothers feel slighted and vow revenge by releasing a cover album of Greetings from Asbury Park.
- Jerry Jones is still waiting to get back into the Super Bowl.
- The NFL begins plans to fore go Roman numerals after they can't figure out how to fit Super Bowl LXXXVIII on tee-shirts and other souvenirs.
- The 20-4 New York Giants--after the 20-game season and expanded playoffs--beat the New York Jets in Super Bowl XLVIII. Giants head coach Bill Cowher frisks, then hugs Plaxico Burress after he catches the game winner.
- Jets fans finally notice that Rex Ryan's lap-band surgery is working after he removes parka. The new Dr. Scholl's spokesman barely tips the scales at 133 pounds. His head alone weighs in at 45.