Where The Hell Was Ines Sainz?

By Tony Mangia

NFL SHOWCASES HISPANIC HERITAGE MONTH

I freely confess to getting caught up in the NFL's attempt to branch out into other countries (ala the NBA). In observance of the Hispanic Heritage Month on Sunday night, after two of Miami Dolphins' 306 limited partners, Marc Anthony and Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas, spiced up a version of The Star Spangled Banner, I switched from watching Sunday Night Football on NBC to Futbol Americano de la NFL on the Telemundo network. The league that can't even put a franchise in Toronto (the most accommodating city outside of Geneva) has called an audible and headed south. Nothing says Hispanic Heritage like the American gridiron.

The NFL in conjunction with NBC and Telemundo decided to simulcast prime-time NFL games in English and Spanish. Other than trying to decipher lines from my favorite American movies in Spanish and watching that fat guy with the busty women on Sabato Gigante, my familiarity of Telemundo broadcasting is limited. It's funny, even when American football is on the screen the commentators still make it sound like they are announcing a World Cup soccer game.

I thought it was a great coincidence (ironic maybe?) that the NFL scheduled the Jets--or should I say Jets de las Nueva York--for this showcase considering that whole female-Mexican- reporter in the locker room thing and one good lawyer from a full-fledged NFL sex harassment scandal. Hey where was Ines Sainz on Sunday anyway? She claims to be Mexico's "sexiest sports reporter." I can confirm that--I've been in stadium press boxes--but compared to Al Michaels, she's Miss America too.

In between the Dolphins de las Miami losing to the Jets and hoping to catch a glance of the Sexy-Mex Sainz were the commercials. Spanish beer commercials have more scantily clad women than a Dick Vitale Hooters advertisement. Lots of dancing and less stupidity. None of those fake Coors Lite spots with ex-head coaches' famous press conference comments being inter cut with frat boys beer-related questions from the press gallery. Just imagine the multi-cultural version. A Columbian hottie in a bikini shakes an empty cooler and asks, "Donde e la cerveza?" which is unabashedly spliced in with an old clip of Vince Lombardi answering, "If you can't accept losing, you can't win." Thank goodness for the language barrier.

After a couple of quarters of sambas, sexy babes and racy Spanish soap opera promotions--and keeping in the spirit of Hispanic Heritage Month-- I switched to ESPN DeSportes to catch the Yankee (Yanqui?) game on Beisbol de las Grandes Liga. Wow! That title even sounds huge. Maybe I hit the clicker because the lullaby twins--Joe Morgan and Jon Miller on ESPN--were getting ready to tuck me into bed half-way between one of those usual five hour Red Sox-Yankee marathons. Even in Spanish the Red Sox Nation were led to believe they can actually make the playoffs this year.

That's what I like about watching sports in another language, if you don't look at the score you can't tell if your team is losing. All you hear is strange words then "Eli Manning" and more strange words. You wouldn't even know he just left-handed the ball into an opponent's hands at the one-yard line. Ines Sainz, look what ye have wrought!