You Can't Always Get What You Want

By Tony Mangia

New York's LOST Weekend

The annoying buzz of vuvuzellas has been replaced by the even more irritating whine of New York sports fans. In one giant middle finger to NYC, the Rangers, Warriors and Pat Riley took pitcher Cliff Lee, Knick David Lee, and some Cavalier player named LeBron James from the spotlight of Broadway. Hey New Yorkers, suck it up. For once, the Yankees and Knicks know how Pittsburgh and Kansas City have felt for two decades. Welcome to the world of small market teams.

The only ones who should be heartbroken are the downtrodden Cleveland fans. LeBron treated those poor souls like a star jock who breaks up with his high school girlfriend at the prom. He's having a menage a trois with the homecoming queen AND the valedictorian and shoving it down the exe's throat. Stringing the naive Cleveland faithful along for months was disrespectful, but dumping them in front of 8 million was deplorable. James didn't owe the fans a contract; in fact he owed nobody, but he should have shown a little more class.

The only other thing missing, besides contrition, from The Decision: LeBron James on ESPN Thursday night was a line up of James' suitor's team caps in front of his highness, and that which one will he put on his head moment. Pity the off-spring of champion-starved fans who named their kids LeBron or LeBron and James who, after that night, face a childhood of schoolyard bullying and beat downs on Cleveland playgrounds.

The New York Knicks didn't stand a chance of bagging LeBron---especially after they sent Isiah Thomas as some kind of mercenary to lure him to Madison Square Garden. I thought there was a restraining order against him filed by the city of New York. Doesn't he a a coaching job at Florida International anyway? Shouldn't he be recruiting high school players for his real job instead of mucking things up in New York? He is---and always has been---the kiss of death for the Knickerbockers.

AND IF YOU TRY SOMETIMES, YOU TRADE WHAT YOU NEED

The Knicks betrayed their own fans by trading David Lee. Lee who has been their most consistent and popular player since Patrick Ewing was given the bums rush to San Francisco. How's that for loyalty? They get a 21 year-old unproven to compliment Amar'e Stoudemire. Stoudemire has no defense and doesn't rebound. Two things Lee does good...all-star good. There has to be some reason the Phoenix Suns didn't fight for Amar'e. Could it be they know something about his bad knee the Knicks don't know or is it that the D'Antoni system is really better suited with Steve Nash?

Even those bumbling Russian spies could have figured out that King James was headed to "South Beach" and the Knicks still crossed their fingers on landing LeBron. Speaking of those hapless Reds; I have the feeling it won't be the last we see of Anna Chapman---the sultry redhead. She has all the qualifications to become a media success in this country---good looks and a scandal. First, comes the nude spread in Playboy, then film and movie deals, a reality show and finally, a cooking or talk show. How long before this inept traitor is a contestant on Donald Trump's The Apprentice. Get 'em while they're hot baldy.

I Teardrop NY

It makes me laugh when I hear the New York media and sports radioheads claim LeBron isn't tough enough for their city. First, they went begging for the man, next they cried when he chose Miami and lastly, they gripe about it like Jersey housewives. Way to woo free-agents. A courtroom date with Lindsay Lohan has less drama. Now Knick fans and their poster boy, Spike Lee, have their eye sighted on Denver star, Carmelo Anthony next year. James showed up for Anthony's wedding on Saturday at Manhattan's Cipriani's and was jeered by the crowd. Sunday's New York Post headline blared Welcome to N.Y., Jackass next to James' photo. While Miami gloats, New York City shows its thin skin.

New Jersey (which had no chance), Chicago, Los Angeles, New York, and Cleveland can stamp their feet as much as they want about James not choosing their city, but there really isn't any merit to their temper tantrums. There is one thing they can all complain about---tampering. Mavericks owner, Mark Cuban, gets fined for suggesting it would be nice to have a LeBron in Dallas, but Bosh, Wade and James can meet for breakfast and joke about forming the threesome weeks ago? I bet Pat Riley was the waiter. LeBron didn't look the least embarrassed when he said he didn't make up his mind until the morning of his television announcement. Yeah, riiiiiight.

THERE'S A-ROD & FAVRE

Has anyone been more entitled than Lebron James? Starting with his high school games being broadcast on ESPN? In the end, James owed no one nothing. He had every right to go where he pleased. Ohio has no lease on his talents and the future of the Cavaliers isn't exactly bright. The team had won nothing with James. Hell, Ron Artest has more championship rings.

Still, LeBron came out looking like two other James---Jessie and Jessie. Channeling motorcycle James, LeBron has traded his long-suffering wife for a bombshell bimbo and a role as a third wheel on a custom-made trike; while robber James was a legendary outlaw. Not nice. LeBron would have been better off in the Second City. Carlos Boozer played with James and is better than Chris Bosh. James would still be the man in Chicago, while Dwayne Wade has the ring in Miami. No matter where LeBron James is, he's still Akron's own...and you'll never change that.

YANKEES LOSE TOO!

New York teams are used to getting what they want. They think its their god-given right to land every sports star on the market. In every match up against other cities, the New York media always plays the Us vs. Them angle. From culture---we have the Met---to entertainment---Broadway---to cuisine---Junior's cheese cake, whatever. New York loves to compare and conquer. Hey LeBron, I would take a Joe's Stone Crab platter in Miami over a Katz's pastrami anytime! Now, the New York Yankees, who are not used to losing---on the field or in the backrooms---get beaten to the punch by a relatively small-market team. The pinstripers get a taste of their own pine tar.

The Texas Rangers snatched Cliff Lee from the Yankees bankroll after the Seattle Mariners balked at a minor-leaguer the two teams had verbally agreed to. The only people happy about the results are the Boston Red Sox, Tampa Bay Rays and Phil Hughes---who won't be banished to the bull-pen to make room for another starter. The Rangers starting rotation has been good, but the acquisition of the all-star Lee gives them a stud for the playoff run.

The Yankees starters have been dominating teams over the past few weeks. They will survive the loss of Lee and could possibly land him in the off-season. It's Joba Chamberlain who has been killing the team. He failed to protect a one-run lead against Seattle on Saturday wasting another great effort by Javier Vazquez. No wonder GM Brian Cashman vied for Lee, the Yankees need someone who can get three outs in the eighth inning.

SHORT JABS

THOSE DIRTY DUTCH

One good thing about the Netherlands losing the World Cup---besides a long-awaited come-uppence for the settlers of South Africa---is that wooden shoes will not become a fashion staple here in the U.S.. The thought of hipsters adding clacking oak Sketchers to their wardrobes and tapping up and down the sidewalks of the Lower East Side makes me yearn for vuvuzellas.

THE VOICE OF GOD GOES HOME

This weekend saw the passing of NYC legend, Bob Sheppard. The Voice of God,as Reggie Jackson once anointed him, was the announcer at Yankee Stadium for over fifty years. His sterling voice introduced the names of all Yankees from Joe DiMaggio to Mickey Mantle to Derek Jeter. Jeter recorded Sheppard's intro and still uses it to this day. I remember Sheppard announcing games at St. John's University---where he taught. If you grew up in NYC and went to a Yankee, Giants or Redmen/RedStorm game, you were a fan of Sheppard, even if he wasn't on the field. "Now batting for the Yankees, the shortstop, number 2, Derek Jeter, number 2," in Sheppard's baritone will be used at Tuesday's All-Star Game to honor the great enunciator.

The LeBron Hour

By Tony Mangia

Everyone is all set tonight for ESPN's broadcast of The Decision: LeBron James. The King will finally let the millions of people with no lives know where he is going. There was speculation that because the show is being broadcast from Connecticut, he was going to the Knicks. Madison Square Garden is only an hour away, they reasoned. He could be going to Boston with that kind of logic. For Jay-Z's sake, Newark is only a fifteen minute PATH ride from the Garden, so he could be going to the Nets. Enough with the geography angle, the NBA season doesn't begin for three months and he has his own private jet, anyway.

Then, I reasoned Martha Stewart was even closer, so maybe he was taking that P.A. job on her show. LeBron has shown a knack for entertaining and his commercials are fan favorites. You gotta start somewhere. Finally, it dawned on me, what better way to garner a captive audience for a new show than to have a fake press conference? From unidentified sources, I've found out that---like MTV did with music videos---ESPN is eliminating sports news and will be only be showing reality shows and sit-coms. Tonight is the premier of One is Enough, LeBron's new comedy.

At first, I was angry because tonight I had my heart set on Larry King (gonna miss the old coot) and the last period of MLL All-Star game. That's the pro-lacrosse league for anyone who doesn't live on Long Island or in Maryland.

NO ROSES FOR CLEVELAND?

I was ready to accept the conceit and arrogance of LeBron making a spectacle of himself while breaking up with Cleveland in front of 18 million people. Most sensitive guys do it by e-mail. He was ready to draw it out for an hour on live television. Can't imagine Derek Jeter breaking the hearts of Yankee fans like that. Kevin Durant---one of the NBA's rising stars---just quietly signed five year deal with the Thunder---wherever that team plays---even Kobe Bryant was a church mouse when he opted for the Lakers six years ago. Then, I heard the wonderful news---it was all a ploy to get One is Enough off with a bang.

ESPN TO PREMIER NEW SIT-COM

One is Enough, the new half-hour sit-com stars LeBron as L.B., an ex-college basketball star with a career-ending injury, who moves into the Akron, Ohio home of his grumpy high school basketball coach played by that other advertising chucker, Peyton Manning. It's guaranteed to be funnier than Dane Cook and any of the dozen Tyler Perry comedies put together. It's like The White Shadow---with less afros--- for these sports-obsessed times .

The hilarity begins when Coach's wife, Roseanne Barr---who coaches the girl's hoops team with her curious bench coach, played by Ellen DeGeneres---keeps trying to break an 129 game losing streak. Boy, is she fun to be around. L.B. has to share a bedroom with the rebellious teenage daughter, named Tiger, played by---sans bracelet---Lindsay Lohan. Sparks fly whenever L.B. tries to put his Chris Bosh and Dwayne Wade posters over her pinups of Robert Pattinson. The tension is high, but they always seem to kiss and make up...a lot. More hijinks abound whenever little Nicholas', the precocious, white kid with a bowl-haircut from next store, draws L.B. into his innocent schemes, which always seem to backfire.

A SPECIAL EPISODE

In tonight's episode, the Coach scolds L.B. and little Nicholas for making prank "verbal commitment" phone calls to John Calipari and Coach K. Betty White guest-stars as the brassy---and foul-mouthed---grandmother. She cheats on her husband, played by Digger Phelps, and, tonight, seduces Rick Pitino, in exchange for L.B.'s scholarship, on a dining room table inside a Kentucky BBQ.

In future episodes, more laughs ensue when Tiger gets a mispelled F**** U tattooed on her forehead and gets caught carnally recruiting prospects in a college dorm, while little Nicholas gets a life lesson, from guest star Plaxico Burress, after accidentally (or is it?) shooting an annoying recruiter, named Kiffon, played to typecast perfection by Michael Strahan. To say the least, Coach has his hands full and man, do the audibles fly.

Anything But LeBron

By Tony Mangia

HEY BRADEN, YOUR THIRTY MINUTES ARE UP!

Dallas Braden of the Oakland A's is milking his days in the limelight. The pitcher pitched a perfect game in front of his grandmother on Mother's Day and the final scene on the diamond looked like a fuzzy-warm snapshot from Norman Rockwell gallery. It was only a couple of weeks after the then unknown lefty dissed Yankee superstar, Alex Rodriguez, for crossing in front of the mound. Braden challenged A-Rod to "Get off my mound", but now finds himself on the disabled list and unable to keep the drama with the Yankee third baseman going on the field. Now Braden is challenging his own team for putting those same famous fightin' words on tee-shirts. The Oakland pitcher must commute from Napa Valley because it sounds like he has a lot of whine.

Life on the diamond for Braden hasn't been so kind since his no-no-no in May. He has lost 5 in a row and become a punchline, Robinson Cano caused a ruckus in the Yankee locker room by jokingly hoisting the infamous tee. A-Rod, himself, wondered out loud if he was entitled to a cut of the profits. Braden also told reporters he felt entitled, but called putting the shirts at souvenir stands a "suicide request."

"They're trying generate revenue, get butts in the seats," the angry hurler said, "at what cost do you do that?" Braden said he feels that the tees puts him in a direct Dallas vs. A-Rod situation. The A's organization said they are just fulfilling fans requests and generating interest in the series which continues tonight and tomorrow in Oakland. Oddly, the only thing missing in this three-game set is Braden.

For a guy who doesn't want to raise the Titanic, Braden can't keep his mouth zipped. Asked if he crossed paths with A-Rod since the April 22 incident, the A's version of Niecy Nash, shot back, "No, I must have lost his number."

A-Rod is no new-comer to controversy, and he takes it in stride. Whether its dalliances with strippers, romances with movie stars, PEDs, or just yelling "Hey!" from behind a Toronto infielder settling in to catch a fly pop, the third baseman perseveres underneath the unyielding New York media. A-Rod's stoic facade still hasn't endeared him to opponents and fans. The future Hall-of-Famer isn't even popular on his own team. Braden said he does not regret the way he handled the situation and claimed he was only trying to respect the "fraternity" of baseball players.

WAY TO GO GRANNY

It's too bad that Braden won't be playing this week. The Yankees took the first game at the Coliseum. The reeling A's are eight games back and nearly out of contention. A Braden/Rodriguez confrontation would have livened things up and added another 15 minutes of fame to Braden's career. If the A's really want to put fannies in the seats, they should print tee-shirts with the succinct line spoken by Dallas Braden's grandmother, Peggy Lindsey, after his perfect game: "Stick it, A-Rod." Those are words that could sell in all American League stadiums.

SHORT JABS

Lesnar Not LeBron

What New York really wants is MMA. Brock Lesnar, the UFC behemoth, could be the kind of draw Madison Square Garden should welcome with open arms. On Saturday, over 16 thousand fans filled the MGM Grand Gardens in Vegas to watch the North Dakota wrestler force opponent Shane Carwin into a second round submission after taking a brutal first-round beating himself. Some fans paid thousand of dollars online for tickets to see the heavyweight match-up. New York Governor Paterson is still trying to legalize the sport and help fill tax coffers.

For My Last Meal, I Want 60 Hot Dogs, 300 Wings, Nine Dozen Ribs...

On July Fourth, competitive eater, Takeru Kobayashi, was arrested at the annual Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Competition in Coney Island. In a bizarre---in an arena whrer gluttony is sport---twist, the former champ was lead away in handcuffs after the 128-pounder tried to storm the boardwalk stage. Promoters would not allow Kobayashi to participate unless he agreed to sign a contract which prevented Kobi from entering other contests. Joey Chestnut won his fourth yellow mustard belt in a row by downing 54 dogs. Sadly, some people soberly equate these two competitors to Pacquaio and Mayweather.

LET 'EM THROW JOE!

Story and photos by Tony Mangia

PITCHERS CATCH UP TO HITTERS

I guess the Yankee's manager, Joe Girardi, didn't get the memo stating that 2010 is being called the "Year of the Pitcher." Sure, for every Carlos Zambrano pulling a Mel Gibson, there is a Ubaldo Jimenez winning 13 of his first 14 starts---in mile-high air of Colorado, no less. The Nationals Stephen Strasburg and Reds Mike Leake have become the aces of their staff---oh yeah, both are rookies. The abundance of no-hitters and two perfect games (and another phantom one) so early this season seem to back the theory of maybe performance-enhancing drugs were more prevalent among hitters than previously thought. This explosion of dominant pitching hasn't been seen since the late 60's when MLB lowered the pitcher's mound from 15 to 10 inches. Today's hitters might want to consider lowering it to five fingers.

GIRARDI'S TWISTED RULES FOR PITCHERS

From the team that brought you---sorry to say---the shaving cream pie-in-the-face and The Joba Rules comes The Hughes/Burnett Rules. Girardi surmises that starter Phil Hughes has to pitch less than 175 innings this season to be effective. So the over-manager has decreed, less than halfway into a season and in the midst of a playoff race, that his best pitcher will skip a start in Los Angeles and go to the back end of the rotation after the All-Star game; sparing the 24 year-old Hughes a few innings of wear and tear on his valuable wing. Meanwhile, Girardi believes that his worst starter, A.J. Burnett (the pie innovator) should be pitching more to get his mojo back. He claims the two will be better prepared for the playoffs. Let me get this straight...use a slumping player more while benching one of your hottest? Hey Joe! Hear that chomping? It's your old nemesis, the Boston Red Sox nipping at your cleats. Oh yeah, those pesky Rays are still only two games back. THERE ARE STILL 83 GAMES TO PLAY! You can't clinch without winning now!

The Joba Rules. Limiting the number of pitches thrown by a virgin arm. Pretty cute after Joba Chamberlain first burst on the scene in 2007. The rightie delighted fans with his strikeouts and fist-pumping. He was the new set-up man---heir to John Wetteland and Jeff Nelson. Then came the night of the midges in a playoff game against the Cleveland Indians. Who could forget that humid, sticky night? The bugs on Joba's neck...the cans of Raid...Joba's loss of innocence.

Chamberlain was micro-managed by Girardi for the next two seasons. He competed with Hughes over starting or coming out of the bullpen. Hughes won that battle and, thankfully, put a rest to that drama. Joba is like M. Night Shyamalan with his big summer debut and then the series of flops afterwards. Chamberlain occasionally has the extraordinary inning and can freeze a batter and wow the crowds, but his only consistency is his inconsistency.

Joe Girardi was a major league catcher and saw all kinds of pitching slumps and streaks. It's hard to argue with the idea of pitching yourself out of a slump. Burnett pitched a solid six innings yesterday against the Blue Jays, but one good outing doesn't make up for five stinkers and an ERA of 11.35. Burnett had the same song-and-dance routine last season---one good start for every four breakdowns. The Girardi plan seems to have worked for Javier Vazquez. The once-struggling starter (6-5) has picked it up in the last few weeks. He could possibly be 9-4 if it wasn't for a lack of Yankee run support.

Look at the Texas Rangers

Girardi's habit of pulling a pitcher based on pitch counts has constantly back-fired. Going to a bullpen with Chan Ho Park and Dave Robertson is futile. Both relievers have soaring ERAs and creeping confidence. The Texas Rangers' no-name rotation averages almost seven innings a start. The team is on fire too. As for the once-streaking Hughes, he was drubbed by the Mariners in his first start after giving his right arm a nine day vacation. Only time will tell if the Rangers drill-sergeant pitching coach, Nolan Ryan, will exhaust his staff or Girardi's nursery school approach will get the Yankees into the playoffs.

Oh Say Can You CC

CC Sabathia had a monstrous June and has whipped off six straight wins with an ERA of 2.00 during that span. Nolan Ryan would be proud of the 116 pitches he threw against the Mariners and only Jorge Posada's passed ball allowed two runs. The workhorse, Sabathia, has become the ace he was imported to the Bronx for. CC, Hughes and Andy Pettitte could be the first triple-10 games winners, before an All-Star break, on the same team since the Orioles Cuellar-Palmer-McNally trifecta in1971.

SHORT JABS

Double Eagle

Forget the pile of cash LeBron James is about to score. Tiger Woods' wife Elin's attorneys have begun talks for a divorce settlement starting at $750 million. It would be the largest amount ever awarded in a divorce case. A fat bank account and no golf clubs or sext messages lying around the house---a win-win situation.

Gag Me!

Must be a little bittersweet for Red Sox fan/actor Dennis Leary to use Derek Jeter in the ads for his cable show Rescue Me on FX. It's like Rudy Guiliani making out with Curt Schilling.

Go On LeBron

Take it to the bank. Lebron James is going to Newark. BFF, Jay-Z and the tall Russian will lure King James and Carlos Boozer to the New Jersey Nets. LeBron, just make sure your Lojack system is working when you park your Escalade outside the Prudential Center.

Flops, Sweat and Tears

Getting used to the vuvuellas in a soothing sort of way. Alexi Lalas still moping over the U.S. elimination annoys me now. The Netherlands win their first World Cup.

The Twilight Saga: Rising Sun

By Photos and story by Tony Mangia

SEATTLE'S ICHIRO SEEMS TO HIT FOREVER

He broke in as a rookie at age 27 and took the American League by storm--leading the league in batting and stolen bases. The Japanese import led his team, the Seattle Mariners, to a record 116 game winning season in 2001, while being voted both the Rookie of the Year and Most Valuable Player--an unprecedented debut. The rightfielder with the soccer-like single name continues to defy all his long-surrendered critics and take his fabulous career into the gloaming. One can only hope Ichiro gets a chance to showcase his skills one more time in a national stage like the playoffs. Maybe it is the fans who'll bask in the privilege of seeing one the game's most exciting players shine on network television beyond his tenth All-Star game.

Ichiro Suzuki may one of the greatest rightfielders baseball has ever known. He is definitely the finest and most athletic this generation has to offer. Nine straight Gold Gloves and nine straight 200 hit seasons attest to his durability and consistency. A rifle arm, blazing speed and occasional power makes Ichiro a demon in every aspect of the game--in the field, on the base paths and at the plate. The right-throwing and left-hitting Ichiro is chasing 4,000 professional hits and his 262 hits in 2004 broke a single season record that stood for 84 years. Don't forget his record of 41 consecutive steals without being caught.

Detractors may consider Ichiro's first years in Japan's Pacific League no more than stat-padding--sort of like the NFL's Warren Moon's, which include his inflated CFL statistics but, even if you took Ichiro's statistics for his first nine-plus years in the AL, the Hitsman has numbers that scream Hall of Fame. Does 350 stolen bases and over 2,000 hits in America mean anything? He still keeps runners at bay with his 50 mm sniper arm and don't call him just a slap-hitter. You should see the bombs in batting practice.

The Seattle Mariners haven't seen a playoff since losing the ALCS to the Yankees in 2001 and had high aspirations at the beginning of this season. Felix Hernandez finished last year with a sparkling 19-5 record and another ace, Cliff Lee, made the startling decision to leave the NL champions Philadelphia Phillies and head for the grunge city--giving the Mariners (on paper) one of the best one-two punches in the majors. All-around good player Chone Figgins came over and consigned himself from leadoff to second while bringing more sure hands to an already good defensive team. The team got out of the gate slow and the power hitters, Seattle's favorite son, Ken Griffey Jr. and always a risk, Milton Bradley have failed miserably. The streaking Mariners just took two of three at Yankee Stadium but remain 14 games behind the ever-improving West Division.

Ichiro's current contract ends in 2012. This decade's premier leadoff hitter is still batting .330 this year and once said at his last contract signing, " I'm going to do my best to play ten more years here." That leaves seven more years for fans to enjoy the 37 year-old's pre-swing contortions and idiosyncrasies and they're well worth the wait.

Oil Slick Hits Tampa Bay

By Tony Mangia

RAYS SLIP INTO SECOND PLACE AT TROPICAN'TA FIELD

New York Yankees' manager, Joe Girardi, concerns himself these days with resting his ace starter, Phil Hughes, and prepping a line-up card for the upcoming All-Star game. Tampa Bay Rays counter part, Joe Maddon, must occupy himself with the possibility of shuffling his anemic lineup and replacing an inefficient bullpen. The Rays have lost 8 of 11 games in two weeks and find themselves tied with the Boston Red Sox and looking up at the Yankees. A sterling 32-12 start has slip-slided away to where all the cowbells, mohawks and Parrotheads in Pinellas County might not help win games this year.

The Rays have dropped 10 of 16 since coming to New York and taking two of three from the then-stumbling Yanks. An pedestrian record of 18-16 at Tropicana Field doesn't help. Tampa Bay still has one of the youngest and most talented line-ups in the league, but lately, its either feast or famine. Carlos Pena, Evan Longoria and Carl Crawford are all having exceptional years, but B.J. Upton has not turned it around after last season's dismal numbers. They either break the scoreboard or get zip. Timely hits are as rare as fans at The Trop.

Good starting pitchers seem to silence the Rays hitters while their own under 28 rotation is looking a lot older. The first two starters---David Price and Jeff Niemann---are cruising at 16-4, but the remaining three hurlers are a combined 18-14 with a 4.50 ERA. The closer, Soriano, has been solid, but the bullpen is still the team bugaboo. If the Rays go there, its all over. Good pitching efforts seem joined at the hip with low run production.

The Yankees, meanwhile, have picked up 7.5 games on the Floridians---who once led the majors by six. The Rays---two years removed from the World Series---can't blame it on youth or sneak up on teams anymore. They'll have to find a way to keep up this summer. For the battle-tested Yanks and Sox, it's business as usual.

THE HUGHES RULES

Thinking about Hughes' long-term usefulness, Girardi is pulling from the starter from Friday's game against the Los Angeles Dodgers. Citing a work load of 82 innings thus far this season, Girardi is adamant about keeping the reluctant-to-rest rightie's season total under 175. The Yankees may even have Hughes pitch the back end of the rotation after the All-Star game. His next start will be in nine days against the Mariners at Yankee Stadium.

Derek Jeter, Robinson Cano and Hughes are gimmes for the July All-Star game with Andy Pettitte and Mariano Rivera probably being grandfathered in as well; but what about two of the three Yankee outfielders? Bret Gardner and Nick Swisher are having good years. Swisher has 11 HRs, 44 RBIs, and has been hitting around the .300 mark all year. Gardner has 23 stolen bases, is hitting .320, and is one of the most exciting players to watch on the bases. I think Girardi would like to reward them, if anything, for keeping things loose in the dugout and on the field. A-Rod looks like a no-go for the first time.

SHORT JABS

The Rogue Pierogi

Still can't get over the rebel dumpling who was dumped by the Pittsburgh Pirates for criticizing the team---rightfully so---then rehired. I don't know how the foam covered mascot ranks at PNC Field---probably just above beer vendor...maybe not---but he cannot break the chain of command and publicly disparage his superiors. Sounds awfully similar to another story in the news these days.

An Ogre in Yellow and Violet

Who knew Ron Artest was just a big, cuddly, mis-understood Shrek? If his exuberance and shout-outs after winning the NBA Championship weren't enough to attract a sponsor, I don't know what are. Artest is an oddball and has used poor judgement in the past, but that hasn't stopped advertisers from flocking to Kobe or keeping Tiger around. You wouldn't call Artest a weirdo like Dennis Rodman, although he is a character. I don't know what he could sell or if I would even care what novelty he's hawking, but I hear Zoloft calling.

We Thought You Meant "24" With Jack Bauer

Portugal won a World Cup match against North Korea, 7-0, after a 99 yard touchdown drive and a PAT by the Portuguese footballers. Kim Jong-il allowed the people's lone television station to broadcast the game live to North Korea's citizens for the first (and probably last) time. Immediately after the whooping, the programming director (guess who?) ran 24 hours of The Great Leader and his militia at work. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

DON'T MESS WITH TEX!

By Tony Mangia

TEIXEIRA WAKING FROM LUMBER SLUMBER?

A lot has been made of Mark Teixeira's notoriously slow starts. It's become a sort of ritual for the Yankee's first baseman to plod through the first month and pick it up later. This season started no differently for Tex, only April turned into May, then into June. This weekend Tex came alive by belting two home runs---including his first grand slam as a Yankee---as the Bombers took two of three from the surging Mets and recovered first place in the AL East.

Fans have blamed some of the power outage on A-Rod's injuries; which meant the lack of protection behind Teixeira. Since June 8, Tex has batted .302 and hit four dingers. He is on pace for a 30 HR/100 RBI season even if he continues to slump like this. Those numbers are a downgrade for the slugger but, non-the-less, still respectable.

Teixeira's stoic face hides the fact that he is slumping and his defensive play at first almost totally overshadowed the slide. I've never seen a first baseman make the plays that Tex does. Whether he's going right or left, down or up, vertical or parallel, the agile fielder continues to amaze. In every game, Tex seems to make a few dazzling plays and if you don't think that saves opposing runs and win games, you can have your Steve Balboni back. Against the Mets, with two outs and men on first and second, Tex went left and snared a blistering shot just over the bag, getting an out and drying up a Met rally. A lesser first baseman would have let it roll into the right corner. If you don't think these rally-killers don't hurt look, just remember David Wright's face on the replay. Give Teixeira another 100 RBIs for Runs Being Incinerated.

HOME PLATE SPECIAL

The Yankees continue their Royal Sampler of the Weak. Road games against the fledgling Diamondbacks and the fading Dodgers should fatten up the Pinstriper's record. The next few weeks include home games against the disappointing Seattle Mariners and Oakland A's. The Yankees continue gobbling up feeble teams and, at this pace, they'll look like a fifty-legged version of Kobyashi inhaling hot dogs at the Nathan's competition. Nothing says Fourth of July in NYC like a first-place Yankee team and Coney Island. All the schedule makers forgot to do was include the Pirates and Royals for a double-superfecta banquet of sitting ducks. The Yankees better make the most of it now. First place in the AL East is a fickle spot and Boston and Tampa Bay lay in wait, behind one game each.

Good news for the Yankee starters: Javier Vasquez pitched a tough three-hit seven-inning game in a losing cause, Phil Hughes out dueled met ace Mike Pelfrey and C.C. Sabathia looked like his old big self and went eight strong innings in a humid 90 degree Yankee Stadium. That tarp they brought out in the eighth inning wasn't for the rain, it was a huge Brawny paper towel for the 20 pounds of sweat the gigantor, C.C., flooded the field with. Mariano Rivera has his own version of a no-hitter going. He hasn't allowed a hit for 22 outs. Even Joba Chamberlain got to fist-pump this weekend.

SHORT JABS

And The Oscar Goes To The Italian Team

Italy has produced many great actors--- Marcello Mastroianni and Sophia Loren to name a few. The tradition continues with their World Cup soccer team. I've never seen so many flops, winces and pratfalls. It looks like an audition for Roberto Benigni movie. Adding to the comedy was a brilliant upset tie by New Zealand. The Kiwis played with true grit while the over-confident Romans looked like bambinos. Not the La Dolce Vita.

Not A Sideshow

Manute Bol, the 7'7' Sudanese NBA player died last week in Virginia. Bol, who--along with Gheorge Muresan-- was the tallest basketball player in NBA history and played for four teams. In 10 years, Bol had 2,086 blocks and 1,599 points. His unique physique--190 pounds and a 8'6" wingspan-- made him a curiosity, even among the giants of the NBA. Legend has it that he killed a lion with a spear with his Dinka tribe in Africa. The gentle giant may be more remembered for his smile and humanitarian missions than his basketball skills. Charles Barkley--a former teammate and not the most eloquent speaker--said something that made me think hard about Bol and this planet. "If everyone in this world was a Manute Bol," Barkley said, "It's a world I'd want to live in." Enough said about a man.